I have got three words for you
Yes! We might all be well-known of this three-word sentence "I BLAME HIM/HER/IT/YOU/THEM".
After failed ventures in Afghanistan and Iraq, the subnormally intelligent George Bush, seems to have the perfect solution for the ongoing food price rise in the United States. He blamed the 350 Million middle class people of "developing" India(who have started to get better, financially) for consuming "better quality" food. So keeping in mind what President Bush has said, I think, Indians just have to eat to let the whole world die of hunger(no pun intended).
The Second Major party in India, the BJP, seems to have its own reasons for the food price rise in India. It blamed the ruling party, the UPA, for the price rise. This non-sensical statement is no surprise as the next Elections are fast approaching. Keeping in mind this statement, all the UPA has to now worry about is that no "comet" strikes India from space, cos that way they would be responsible for the disaster.
The latest craze in India is the IPL, Indian Premier League.
A series of Twenty20 style cricket matches, with teams comprising of star players from around the world, owned by big movie stars and business magnets, and ofcourse "cheerleaders".
It was no surprise when a Mumbai based politician raised his voice concerning the way these "imported" cheerleaders dressed or moved. If you think your mind's getting lusty looking at the cheerleaders, another solution would be using one of your body parts, called the "eyelids", to shut your eyes or rather watch the Cricketers playing the game on the field. Why should the cheerleaders be blamed for you getting lusty?
The ad agency that shot the brilliantly sweet "Happy to help" ad for Vodafone in India, was driven to court by an animal rights group that blamed the agency for leaving the "pug" used in the ad all huffed and puffed.
The sale of pugs as pets reportedly rose(with its price) after it was first used in Hutch's(Now Vodafone) ad. The cute little doggy is depicted to be chasing a bus down a road, and the animal rights group felt that "that" running was too harsh on the dog. Whats next? A ban on playing Frisbees with your pets?? Because that will surely leave your pets exhausted. For Christ's sake!! Dogs do run and play and they enjoy doing it!!
So when will this blame game stop? Thats the million dollar question.
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Bush as his best again(in Stupidity ofcourse. What else is he best in?)
After failed ventures in afghanistan and iraq, the King of Stupids, the great president of America with Subnormal Intelligence, George Bush, seems to have totally lost his head.
Man! Suddenly I am feeling a shrill fear going down me. What if America wages war against Indians? India has to worry now because we might enter the terror list as our country is posing a serious threat to the people of USA.
And whats the whole deal about the Terror List, thats very much like the FORBE's List that keeps updating itself each year. Some kind of a fashion statement to let people know that USA is still the Bully? Who cares anyway about their lists?
What does he mean to say? That he never expected us to outshine them? Or we shouldnt be growing and our middle class population shouldnt be demanding better food?
And hey! Have we, Indians, found a better option to kill more people? More powerful than the nuclear bomb discovered by USA? According to Bush's remark, We just have to eat at our pace and the world will be deprived of food and people will die of hunger. :D
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Should we mix sports and politics for a Human Cause?
“There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.”
~ Elie Wiesel
A prominent actor had once had my sympathies when he was dragged into problems because he supported the Narmada Bachao Aandolan, a noble cause indeed. But his stand on the Olympic-cum-Tibetan problem has left me confused. Each person has his/her personal opinions and hence I dont criticise the actor for his statement. I, however dont agree with his statement.
People being gagged in their own lands, shouting, crying, beaten and shot to death and giving out their pleas for help, getting one chance to express themselves, the Olympics, a global event, played to bring a sense of brotherhood and unity among the diverse countries of our world.......is not what is called "mixing politics and sports".
I think India should have shown its support to the People of Tibet by boycotting the current Olympics. It's nothing new. The Olympic Games have been boycotted before in 1956, 1972, 1976, 1980 and 1984 by many countries. As many as 65 nations boycotted the 1984 Olympics due to the Soviet Invasion of Afghanistan.
Human rights is of utmost importance than any sport. This earth belongs to no particular person/group. It is everyone's right to live freely without any shackles bound to them.
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"Its all about women" at Prithvi Theatre
My first play. After enjoying couple of sips of Irish Coffee(with Claudy, Ruby and Kurund) from the Prithvi Theatre cafeteria, and standing in the queue(Prithvi Theatre has a First Come First Serve basis for the allotment of seats), we entered the 200 something seater theatre.
The ambience was splendid with the dim lighting of the theatre, the chill of the AC, carpets over the floors, and the seats arranged across the theatre in a manner similar to that of the Colosseum. Not just a mere visual copy, even the sound was lucid throughout the play.
The set was simple but the stage was made use of fully. The play that was an adaptation of Miro Gavran's play, lasted for more than 2 Hours. 5 stories intertwined intelligently into one with lots of humour, not to forget a bit of adult comedy here and there.
Here's a bit of the synopsis from the Akravious Production's Website:
" In one story, the heroines are two sisters who have been on bad terms for years, while their mother tries to reconcile them. The second story is about two friends whose relationship undergoes a crisis when a third person appears. In the third story, the heroines are three secretaries, each of whom wants to advance her career, at any cost. The fourth story concentrates on three old ladies living in a retirement home, while the heroines in the fifth story are little girls at a kindergarten. "
The price of the ticket was just Rs.50 as this was a new play and our's was just their third/fourth performance.
The parts I liked were the ones with the "Older women" and the ones with the "Kids". Especially the one when the kid cries on stage while singing, after failing to find her mom present at the school's function; the enactment was damn too perfect.
The actors were truly awesome. Even after straining my gyri and sulci together, I couldnt find a single flaw in their delivery of dialogues.
I didnt expect to see such an excellent performance. Aptly speaking, their performance was way better than most prominent actors in Hindi Films and serials(and by prominent I dont mean crappy actors like Shiny Ahuja or John Abraham), and I wonder why I havent seen them on T.V. No wonder the whole crowd rose to give them a standing ovation at the end of the play.
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Akshay Kumar, the Car and Thumbs up
Thumbs Up ads failed to impress me the last couple of times, be it Akshay Kumar riding into the dark side and drinking the cola on top of a tower or Jumping down from the building and stealing away a bottle of cola from a passing Thumbs Up Truck.
The recent ad though has got me awestruck. For an ad that costed crores, and after being highly hyped ad, the Thumbs up ad surely isnt that great after all. Though this ad hasnt been well acclaimed by the critics, I loved it.
Akshay Kumar best fits into the whacko racer character. But the thing that stole my heart was the lady.. Nope! Not that scared girl but the car that was close to the Ford Mustang used in Gone in 60 Seconds in looks. The car was just perfect for the ad.
The part where the lady in the car shouts out loud and Akshay Kumar shouts in return like imitating her was Genuine "Akshayish" Stuff and couldnt stop laughing at that.
The editing of the scenes couldnt have gotten better than this as the whole chasing scene seems continuous. I feel this is the best car chasing scene ever to be made with an Indian Actor(though shot in Malaysia by a Malaysian Director), and it will go down on my list of favorites.
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The divide that wasnt!.... or was it?
The current violence in Mumbai(of MNS members and Samajwadi Party members) can be seen in different ways.
One, as jealousy, that of Amitabh getting closer to Balasaheb rather than to Raj Thackeray.
Two, as politics. The Shiv Sena has widened its acceptance by calling Bhaiyyas as respectful Uttar Hindustanis in order to increase their vote banks in North Mumbai. And MNS had the right chance to check-mate their rivals by this show of Marathi Manoos emotions, to catch hold of Marathi votes who feel betrayed by the Shiv Sena's Marathi Manoos promises. Believe it or not, but even though most Maharashtrians seem to say they dont support MNSs stance in the on-going controversy, they contradict themselves in their heart.
Third, and the most important of all, the basic law of nature. It is paradoxical. We want India to spread its arms around the world with its industries and cultures. But we dont want foreign countries to dominate us. Dont worry it is perfectly normal being egoistic. North-Indians trying to dominate the Maharashtrian Culture seems unpalatable to the hardcore Maharashtrians. And why not? Are we forgetting that we are animals too. That we want our lands to be secure from intruders. We want our cultures to dominate the land that we rule(or even spread to other lands). The world is a game of the Survival of the fittest. In order to dominate their lands, animals have to display their strengths from time to time, otherwise their dominance and cultures might get lost in the wind.
This divide already existed in India. Be it the current Maharashtrian - North-Indian divide or the bigger and older North-Indian South-Indian divide. It has to be kept in mind, that India will remain 'Unity in Diversity' only if groups of various cultures RESPECT each other's values. After all, you wont allow some stranger to enter your house and sit on your sofa and curl up his feet on your tea table, would you?
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Global Warming or Global Cooling?
I couldnt help noticing the 99% people(1% being the parish priest and the altar boys ;)) of my parish wrapped up in sweaters and mufflers when I visited the church this saturday. This was a rare sight. Ofcourse, Mumbai going 7 to 8.5 degrees is a rare climatic condition too. It has been recorded as the lowest temperature in the past 46 years. And we raise our eyebrows when we hear news that most sweaters in our area have been sold out, like hot cakes. Can we call these the effects of global warming? Are Humans the only reason for this change in Climate?
No. Humans arent solely responsible for this change. Though our activities(causing pollution and the release of greenhouse gases) are acting as a catalyst, our Earth's climate has seen drops and rises since it was born. Our earth has already been through Four Ice Ages. We are in the midst of the Ice Age that started 1000s of years ago. Proof? The ice covers in the northern and sourthern hemispheres, that still prevail. Michael Crichton's book, "State of Fear", discusses this very fact.
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Clash of cultures and the formation of Indian Taboos
This article is in connection with the 31st Night Molestation Case of Female Tourists at two prominent places in India. I got a chance to catch the debate live on CNN-IBN as I reached home the other night. No! I am not going to start discussing how bad the molestation was on India's reputation or whether Indian Women are safe outside or whether it was a sorry sight. "Is India Sex Starved?" was the title of the debate that was on. And one of the participants, when asked about whether it was Indian Culture that lead us to be sex starved, took on a different view. A view that I agree upon. And this blog delivers that view to you.
Anyway, if you need to know about women's safety in India, here's the link that gives the ranking of countries with the most number of rapes. US ranks 9th and well, India ranks 56th. See it for yourself.
Nudity was never intolerant in ancient India. Scientifically, because of the Tropical Climate, Indians(men and women alike) dressed only the bottom half of their body, unlike Europeans who used to be fully dressed given the cold climatic conditions.
Our country was sexually tolerant in ages as early as 500 BC. Kamasutra, the best know Sex Education book, was a work on the science of love and was intended as both an exploration of human desire and a technical guide to pleasing a sexual partner within a marriage. Sex was considered to be a duty between partners after marriage which can be depicted in Khajuraho Temples and Ajanta caves.
Osho or Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, was one, who was quite controversial for his OPEN stance on Sex in Modern India.
Osho
He said, no one should suppress his/her desires. His admirers include Dr. Manmohan Singh, Vinod Khanna and Khushwant Singh.
The 'Osho International Meditation Resort' at Pune
'Osho International Meditation Resort' at Pune has more than 2,00,000 visitors annually and is one of the largest spiritual growth centres in the world.
The current thinking that 'sex is a taboo' is the output of two inputs viz. the Mughal, and the Colonial Eras. In the 16th Century, the liberal way of life first got a shot in the arm as the Mughal Era came in with the "purdah" system, which is not only prevalent amongst Muslims in India today but also amongst Hindus.
Aurangzeb
Aurangzeb(The Mughal Emperor)
However, the biggest effect on India's look towards sex was caused by the British Raj. The current colonization of Indian minds with European conservative values was caused by British education, administration and literature that was mostly biased. Indians thus converted their religious practices and moral values to Victorian kinds. Consider current issues. Unlike western cultures considering Homosexuality as being anti-social or psychopathological requiring correction or cure, Ancient India already knew about 'tritiya-prakriti' or Third Nature(transgenders, homosexuals, transsexuals, bisexuals etc). God is Ardhanarisvara for Hindus, which means half male and half female, and hence they have a semi-divine status with the power to bless as well as curse.
Gay Pride at Toronto
Taking example of Gods, Lord Ayyappa was born of Lord Shiva and Mohini. Mohini was a female incarnation of Vishnu. Aravan Festivals is just one of the many festivals of the third sex celebrated in India.
The controversial Kinsey Report
Ofcourse, we dont need Dr. Alfred Kinsey to conduct a survey of millions and tell us how sick the Victorian kind of values were.
Though Britishers were kicked out of India, their laws(read JOKES) still rule us. E.g. Section 377 in the Indian Judiciary.
So chill! We might have not been to the moon first(we havent yet), or have launched missiles from Space, but, Hey! We were the first Sexually Liberate country.
Time for some practicals:
Switch(tryThese) {
case 1:
The next time a politician tells you to NOT celebrate Valentines Day, because lovers cannot exhibit affection, hand him a book of Kamasutra.
The Kamasutra
case 2:
When he tells you to ban nude arts from the art galleries calling them AGAINST INDIAN CULTURE take him on a visit to Khajuraho Temples. If he is against nudity, make him understand how people of different geographical locations dress according to their climatic conditions. Cover him in sweater from head to toe and send him to Alaska, and revert, not until he accords with you.
case 3: If he tells you to ban Sex Education from Schools , slap him and give him a second copy of Kamasutra. And slap him again, because we arent living in the Stone Age. Each child has got access to the internet; a home for nearly 4.2 million porn websites, a sight good for sour eyes.
case 4:
If he tells you to be homophobic and bash up homosexuals and transexuals or ban movies like FIRE(or Psst! GirlFriend) tell him that in Ancient India(and even today) Hindu Priests performed Same-Sex marriages.
Navratna Tel
Put on Navratna Tel on his head and explain that Priests believe "Love is the result of attachments from previous births and that marriage, as a union of spirit, is existing outside gender".
default:
Even if after all this he doesnot understand then drink a glass of Adam's Ale and arrange a Short-Course in Indian History for him. If he doesnt understand even then, punch him with your bunch of fives and send him back to nursery.
How to punch for greater effect
}
And by the way! It is no longer a-la-mode to say, "We have been victimized by British Imperialism and Mughals". Shahrukh Khan will not cry with you on that holding a whisky bottle. It is time to stop complaining and change and become the Shahrukh of Swades;not of Devdas.
Dont be a Devdas
The only way India can decrease population and its ranking in AIDS is by letting its people freely talk about sex. Politicians will remain politicians, leave them alone as they are sure to enter the door with the "Abandon-hope-all-ye-who-enter-here" inscription on it. However, if they are adamant and say if they dont want to EVEN speak of "Condoms" openly, try this trick on them. Ask him, "Pata hain! DUM mar gaya! Arrey! Apna DUM" (DUM pronounced like DUM in DUMMY). He is sure to respond, "Kaun DUM?". And voila! There you are.
Please note, I am not blaming the media, for pinpointing only on negative aspects. If it wasnt for the media telecasting the molestation(whole day long), the police wouldnt have acted on the "minor issue" like they have done now.
We call the western world OPEN. But they are actually moving back to our times. Dont you think this is a Circle and that we are going back to the same point? Dont you think we are already going against the grain?
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Our beautiful skin!!
Well, remember when you get a cut or burn or some injury, your daily activities seem to suffer because of that injury. We tend to understand how IMPORTANT that part of the body is, however small it might be; how we take care of the injured part with all our heart, but as the injury fades away we seem to forget the pain and we strike back to our adventurous ways.
I got into a bit of an unfortunate mishap during diwali. Yeah! Crackers intimidate me. Especially when my friends seem to enjoy it as a sport, to throw them lit up on people and more especially when it is our very own "RASSI BOMB". Man! I fell down trying to escape the sudden attack, injuring a finger on my left hand.
It was terrible after that. I couldnt bend my finger. A single cut on the left hand caused bigger problems.
But it was interesting to see how the cut got filled up in a week. Okay! Many might not agree upon the INTERESTING part, but it is ACTUALLY interesting when you understand how beautifully our body works. I wanted to capture all these. You will find here a series of photos of the development of the skin taken between Day One to Day Seven.
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Wednesday, December 10, 2008
KSINGH'S JOKES - 5
If it's Sody Singh Kahlon who is regaling audiences with his comedies in Britain, Iqbal Singh Bhan is the new Sikh comedy icon in the US. Perhaps the only Sikh stand up comedian in the US , sixty-eight years old Bhan aka Bali Bhan has performed shows at New York's Times Square,the Laugh Factory, Comedy and other prestigious venues around the US.
"I am quite serious about this new found career in comedy", says Bhan who made forays into the entertainment industry after his recent retirement from the corporate world.I don't like to hurt anyone with my jokes and never swear. And I definitely don't do Sardar jokes", adds Bhan who was in India recently.
When asked at one of his gigs if he knew any four letter word (the mainstayof many stand-up comedians), Bali's reply was "Yup, F.O. R.K. fork. Do you want to know another?
L..O..V..E..love!"
But by far, the question he is asked most, is about his turban --the reason why he wears it.
According to Bhan his responses vary from "Because I'm bald", to"Because I have something to hide", to finally saying "It's a part ofmy religion", thus creating cross cultural awareness through humour."We are all brothers, but born to different mothers", he often says at his shows.
Bhan , after immigration to the US in 1960, had made a few television appearances, even demonstrating how to tie a turban, and earned extra dollars through a stint in modelling, which he only stopped when advertisements featuring him turned up at unsavoury places.
According to Manpreet Kaur, a freelance journalist from Australia,humour came naturally to Bhan and he was seriously funny. He always has a gag up his sleeve, she says."His hallmark is clean crisp humour that people of any age, race orbackground can relate to, she adds.
Bhan who has lived most of his life in US said, "his heart was still in India and he wanted to perform in his native country, sometime."
"I 'm a simple guy who loves to make people laugh. Majority of us take life too seriously and forget to enjoy its simple pleasures i.e.laughter. My goal is to help people laugh and provide maximum comic relief around the world," he says. Of course, laughingly !
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 5:25 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Sikh Comedians
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Sikh Girl in US Army-Father asks Punjabis to shun Female Foeticide
"Daughters are a treasure. Please do not abort them".
In a straight forward message to fellow Punjabis, Mahan Singh, father of US army girl 'Specialist Ranbir Kaur, a Sikh girl who is performing front-line army duty in Iraq, said "that he would like Ranbir to be born as his daughter again and again.
Mahan Singh, a grape farmer in California, was visiting his native village Nijjran in Jalandhar district.
Indian born Ranbir who had donned the M-16 at a tender age of seventeen had created waves amongst the US Sikhs, becoming the firstSikh girl to have joined the US Army. Ranbir had shot into news again in 2006 after she was posted in Afghanistan on active war duty.
Presently Ranbir is in Iraq, posted near the Kuwait border where she is performing her duty as a gunner.Mahan Singh said, "that his daughter had not only brought pride to his family but the entire Sikh community of the US was proud of his daughter's decision. Though just a soldier in the army but her decision to join the US Army had helped US Sikhs to showcase their commitment towards their adopted country.
"Punjabis must shun female foeticide or their race will slowly dwindle as Punjabi boys will have to seek girls outside the state, said Mahan Singh.
According to him girls should be given the freedom to choose from whatever they wanted to do. "I have no regrets of Ranbir joining the army, though presently she is in the most violent part of the world. In fact she had got injured due to a gun a malfunction but she is back in action,"added Mahan Singh.
Mahan Singh who has two daughters and a son, said Ranbir had never failed in her family duties as well.
Recalling the time when he had been hospitalised due to a massive heart attack, Mahan Singh, said,Ranbir had taken centre-stage, taking care of him as well as the farm.
"Even now when she calls from Iraq her first question is about my diet," said Mahan. "Hope you are not eating too much of the banned stuff daddy, is usually Ranbir's first question, "added Mahan Singh.
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 2:11 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Female Foeticide
Monday, February 4, 2008
India-Is it the right time to invest in stocks and Mutual funds?
Swinging like a pendulum, the Indian stock market (present index hovering around 18,500) has been lucky for few and nightmarish for most.
Given the circumstances and global cues, most financial advisors suggest retail and first time investors should invest via Mutual Funds, only.
In this blog, for the benefit of viewers , we seek expert opinion on which stocks and Mutual funds to buy. Also, what would be more profitable -investing in blue chip stocks/mutual funds or real estate ?
Disclaimer- This is only a discussion. Please consult your financial advisor before investing in any sector.
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 12:19 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Stocks
Sikhs Unlimited
Sikhs Unlimited
A Book Review by MANJYOT KAUR
SIKHS UNLIMITED, by Khushwant Singh. Rupa & Co., New Delhi, 2007. ISBN-13: 978-81-291-1207-1. ix+211 pages. Price: Rs. 495.
Since the very beginning of the twentieth century, Sikhs have been successfully carving out their own exclusive niches in the West, excelling in many spheres of endeavor. This book, subtitled "A travelogue from Delhi to Los Angeles via London", gives fourteen such stories of notable achievement, showcasing Sikhs in Britain and the United States.
Its author, Chandigarh-based journalist Khushwant Singh, was a freelancer for the Tribune before joining the Times of India in 2002. He is also a regular columnist for sikhchic.com . Besides his career as a writer, he manages his ancestral farm in Hoshiarpur, Punjab.
Speaking of sikhchic.com - which previously published an article ("On the Global Sikh Trail") heralding the imminent arrival of this work - fully half of the chapters of Sikhs Unlimited highlight people who have already been featured on this website's "pages", some in excerpts taken from the book itself. These are: the artists known as "The Singh Twins"; the chef, Tony Singh; Fauja Singh, the nonagenarian marathoner; Ranbir Kaur, the young soldier; the guitarist "Hargo" (Hargobind Hari Singh); Gurinder Kaur Chadha, the filmmaker; and the businessman, Gurujot Singh Khalsa.
Of course, the successes enjoyed by the remaining seven individuals are no less noteworthy.
One of these is the British-born comedian, Sody Singh Kahlon, founder of "The Funjabis", who is not only "an icon of the British Sikh comedy industry", but of mainstream comedy in the U.K., as well. His adroit use of humor to teach serious messages about Sikhi and Sikh heritage to young people in the Diaspora is nowhere as evident as in his present act, "Soul Sikher", which revolves around "Paul, a.k.a. (Asianly Known As) Palwinder", a young Sikh totally immersed in British city life, until he gets a "reluctant re-acquaintance with his roots", via a one-way ticket to Punjab.
Next comes "the Godfather of Pop Bhangra Music", the fifty-something singer Harcharanjit ("Channi") Singh. Born near Malerkotla, he immigrated to England in 1976. Boosted by his leadership of the live band, "Alaap", his blockbuster career forever changed the face of Punjabi music in the British Diaspora. Not only is his own music-making far from over, his daughter is now following in his footsteps as a successful musician, as well.
"If there was no Harbhajan Singh Samra", this book's author confidently claims, "America would never have tasted bhindi". So are we introduced to the "Okra King", a savvy agricultural marketer who has created a unique niche as the largest seller of traditional Indian fruits and vegetables in the U.S. Jalandhar-born, he arrived in California in 1985, after a career as a practicing agronomist in India. Specializing in chilies, mangoes, and gourds such as the karela and tinda, his company's turnover has been estimated by The New York Times at over $10 million.
The first Indian cardiologist in America to hold a U.S. patent (he now owns twenty-four of them), Dr. Harvinder Singh Sahota is the inventor of the "Perfusion Balloon", an innovative device used in angioplasty surgeries worldwide. A sickly, fragile child who more than amply fulfilled his father's gratitude-fueled wish that he become a life-saving doctor, he migrated to England in 1965, and has enjoyed a highly lucrative practice in the U.S. since 1974.
As founder of a multi-million dollar polymer firm, Bikaner-born Ratanjit Singh Sondhe, in the U.S. since 1968, is a consummate master in successfully fusing Sikh tenets with modern corporate thinking. With his trademark humility and devotion to quality, he sees himself as "a manager of the resources of the divine", adding, "Excellence is the mission at POLY-CARB, because when you are serving the divine, how can you be mediocre?"
Chirinjeev Singh Kathuria, chairman of PlanetSpace, came to the U.S. as an infant in 1967. As leader of a company worth more than $340 million, his ambitious goal is nothing less than "space tourism" - fifteen-minute sub-orbital space flights, available to the "general public" (for a cool half-million dollar fee!) by 2009. His secret of success comes from Alexander the Great: "He conquered the world by not delaying".
Last, but by no means least, is Gurutej Singh Khalsa, who converted to Sikhism after entering the fold of Harbhajan Singh Yogi in 1969. As a law-enforcement agent with the New Mexico State Police, he was kicked off the force in 1979 because of his refusal to shave his beard and remove his turban. Crediting "Yogi Bhajan" for his support and inspiration, Gurutej responded by founding Akal Security, now one of America's largest private security providers. Headquartered in the Espanola, N.M.-based Sikh Dharma complex, his firm is contracted to protect a number of critical national defense and intelligence facilities, as well as a major U.S. airport.
In addition to an Introduction and an attractive central section of color photographs, this work contains a helpful Glossary, as well as an Index. It is interesting to note that a CD album by "Hargo", In Your Eyes , is also enclosed (in a plastic sleeve attached to the book's inside back cover).
It would surely be well-nigh impossible to disagree with Khushwant Singh's assessment of the fifteen Sikh men and women he has chosen to grace the pages of this book. They are indeed highly successful and inspiring individuals. Moreover, as the author says in his Introduction, there are many other luminaries living in the Diaspora; some of the major ones were deliberately left out of this work, in order to highlight the achievements of those who may be lesser known.
Given what he has done here with those in the American and British Sikh communities, it may be an opportune time for him to write a similar work on Sikh-Canadians. And why stop there? Further books on "leading lights" of Southeast Asia, East Africa and Oceania would also be welcome additions.
The author's informal writing style is well-suited to the anecdotal nature of this book's subject matter. Many readers, especially the young audience specifically targeted in the Introduction, will find it quite appealing. (Nevertheless, more accurate proofreading and closer editorial attention to grammar and syntax would have been of great benefit.) However, it does, in my view, "cross the line" at times, either taking its typically hard-edged irony to the brink of offensiveness, or indulging in what might be considered excessive hyperbole.
For instance, a happily-married man (in this case, chef Tony Singh) hardly deserves to be qualified, even if only in jest, as a "damn hen-pecked joru ka ghulam (slave to his wife)", just because he wants to skip a day of interviewing to privately celebrate his wedding anniversary. And, while "Hargo", a twenty-year-old rock guitarist, is undoubtedly a talented young musician of enormous promise, a comparison to Mardana, Guru Nanak's minstrel companion, would perhaps be an overstatement.
These caveats aside, if you are looking for a "feel-good" book that is full of chatty enthusiasm and chardi kalaa, you will find Sikhs Unlimited to be a very enjoyable and satisfying read.
This book can be obtained at
http://www.ethnicisland.com/
www.amazon.com
www.indiaplaza.com
www.jainbookdepot.com
Review- Courtsey http://www.sikhchic.com/
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 5:34 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Books
Sunday, February 3, 2008
In the Centre of Manhattan- Model tells who Sikhs are !
Washington: They have gained a reputation as fearless fighters and fabulous farmers. They have a genius with things mechanical and they are frontiersmen in exploration. Now, a 20-foot high mural in Midtown Manhattan and a slick new video of a handsome young Sikh is explaining the famed Indian community to the world while seeking to overturn prejudice and stereotype that has followed them in the post-9/11 era.
Sandeep ‘‘Sonny’’ Singh Caberwal is the talk — and toast — of the community for becoming the poster boy for Kenneth Cole, the American fashion designer, in his new campaign titled ‘‘We all walk in different shoes,’’ celebrating what is being called the company’s ‘‘25 years of non-uniform thinkers’’. Although the campaign features other unusual representatives, such as an Israeli and Palestinian film director duo and an HIV positive magazine editor, it’s Caberwal’s striking visage that is attracting attention in a country where every new face has its few seconds of fame.
The Kenneth Cole campaign comes at a time when there are still reports of hate crimes and victimization of Sikhs in the west despite efforts by community activists and organizations like Sikh Coalition and United Sikhs to educate the people. Only last week, a New Jersey woman was arrested after trying to yank the turban of a Sikh male in a bar. Caberwal is an entrepreneur, coowner of the Tavalon Tea Company in New York City.
An alumnus of Duke University, North Carolina, and a graduate of Washington DC’s Georgetown University Law School, he is also an accomplished tabla player who has cut a record. ‘I always draw strength from keeping my identity unique’ Washington: Kenneth Cole, the American fashion designer, has found a new poster boy in Sonny Caberwal for his new campaign titled ‘‘We all walk in different shoes.’’
Caberwal explains in the video, ‘‘I am an entrepreneur. I am a member of the Sikh religion. Sikhism is a monotheistic religion. It started in India in the 1500s. As part of our religion, we believe that Sikh men maintain a very strong visual identity. And we’re often, in this day and age, mistaken for Muslims. “I always drew strength from keeping this unique identity to remind me that I am different. For me it’s a matter of reinforcement, but for other people it’s become a symbol of hate, and a symbol of fundamentalism. When September 11 happened, I was in law school, and I was watching TV with all my peers, and I looked around and the Taliban came on TV. And they looked just like Sikh people...’’
While the US administration has also been helpful in combating prejudice and hate crimes by swiftly prosecuting perpetrators, popular culture is playing its role. In Spike Lee’s “The Inside Man”, starring Denzel Washington, a young Sikh named Vikram Walia (played by Waris Ahluwalia) is seen being roughed up by cops even as he attempts to explain the religion and why he needs to keep wearing his turban. When he complains of prejudice in America, Denzel Washington sardonically says: ‘‘I bet you don’t have any problems hailing a cab in New York’’ — a reference both to the many Sikh cabbies in the city and also the difficulty blacks face in getting cabs. It’s not the first time a Sikh male has had a crack at top-flight modelling in the west.
That honour goes to Vikram Chatwal, the entrepreneur son of the hotelier and Clinton acolyte Sant Singh Chatwal, who did a Vogue spread some time back, among other gigs.
Kenneth Cole, who incidentally is married to the daughter of former New York mayor Mario Cuomo, has a long history of supporting socially conscious initiatives, including the AWEARNESS campaign focused on Aids and homelessness.
Sikh websites and blogs are full of praise for his social awareness efforts. ‘‘As far as I am concerned, the team at Kenneth Cole could not have picked a more appropriate Sikh face for this ad campaign,’’ one blogger wrote on the site, SikhChic.
Courtsey-Times of India/www.sikhchic.com
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 8:38 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Positive Sikh Images
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Just Freeze !
Friends for years Kabir, Ronnie, Karan, Adiraj and Zorawar were planning a holiday together. Ronnie, who had recently been married, was keen to make clubbing the highpoint of the holiday.
Let’s go to Delhi next weekend” he suggested while pouring a whiskey for Kabir, who had just entered. Ronnie’s logic was, that since Karan, Kabir and he were engaged in the profession of farming, the trio were at a locational disadvantage when it came to high-street life.
Moreover, Ronnie who was still attending post wedding dinners wanted a break from the rigorous routine of butter chickens and scotch with relatives; was keen to take the new bride, partying; and was not averse to the idea of leching at women dressed in sleazy clothes in Delhi’s night-clubs.
Knowing that the majority would gladly agree with the last option, Ronnie shrewdly threw open the ‘chalo Delhi’ debate. With eyes on Kabir, for Ronnie knew that depending on his mood-swings Kabir could take either position- philosophically or physically driven -Ronnie uttered his self-made cliché “let’s all happen in Delhi.”
It was Kabir’s new Tata Sierra that was selected to transport the farmer couples to the national capital. Kabir’s wife Zara, Karan his wife Rehmat and Ronnie and his wife Tara on a cold December Saturday morning set on their journey to Delhi. It didn’t matter if the five seater Indian SUV got crammed from inside. Still in their honeymoon mode, the newly weds Ronnie and Tara, sticking to each other barely occupied two seats, one and a half to be precise.
“Thank you guys for taking us out on a shopping trip to Delhi”, remarked Zara from the rear seat. And you actually managed convincing Kabir to allow us women to shop is commendable, carried on Zara while giving a pat on Ronnie’s back who was sitting two passengers away.
That a stronger pat would have brought out in the open the giggle, Zara had no idea. Ronnie understandably had played his cards well- lured his friends by talking about the hot Delhi women and convinced the Hoshiarpur lasses by throwing them the shopping bait. No wonder friends had nicknamed Ronnie as shurli, or tale-spinner in English. Sensing trouble, Ronnie quickly changed the topic and bringing some sort of urgency in his voice, he asked Karan who was sitting on the navigator seat about Zorawar’s and Adiraj’s plans. Zorawar and Adiraj resided in Chandigarh, the joint capital of two north Indian states.
Zorawar who worked as a journalist with India’s largest daily The Times of India was married to Radha, his colleague at one point of time. Adiraj an upcoming entrepreneur was the only bachelor in the group. His tales of non compliance with time schedules were legendary. “They will reach Delhi straight from Chandigarh and will meet us at Vasant Vihar,” replied Karan. “Pity we can’t carry our own booze, because of this damned prohibition in Haryana state,” carried on Karan.
Telephone Dairies were out the moment the Tata Sierra touched Vasant Vihar (Kabir’s maternal grandparent’s house). The Chandigarh guys contrary to expectations also joined the group within half an hour. Ronnie and Adiraj both alumnus of Symbiosis Institute, Pune, had a horde of friends in Delhi. More girls, less boys. The star however was Deepa Mehta, a former Miss India runner up. The race was who spoke to her first.
“Deepa has suggested that we go to Jasbir’s tonight”, announced Ronnie, obviously having connected to the Miss India before Adiraj . Perhaps, the half an hour gap had proved costly for Adiraj. Only, if Adiraj had been pro-active he could have easily called Deepa from his mobile while in transit –something that Ronnie couldn’t have dared to with Tara by his side in the car. Tara in the entire seven hour journey had clutched her husband’s right hand tightly. She would also at times drop her head on his shoulder, seeking hundred percent attention.
“It’s located in the Asiad village and according to her it’s the most rocking place in Delhi these days, blurted out Ronnie in total excitement.
Kabir realising that Deepa’s word was gospel truth for both the boys, nodded his head in approval and said “If Deepa says so, her word must be honoured. But Ronnie are you sure it’s Jasbir’s asked Kabir? “Hundred percent,” replied Ronnie after which the all Punjabi troupe comprising of three women and five men headed for the Asiad village.
“Jasbir’s? We’ve never heard that name before”, replied a group of students, sitting on the steps of the Asiad village parking lot. “Yes, Miss India has advised my friend to visit Jasbir's in the Asiad village," said Adiraj while pointing towards Ronnie. "No sir, there’s no place with the name Jasbir’s. Are you sure it’s Jasbir’s," they asked again.
By now the rest of the gang had also disembarked from the cars and cluttered around Zorawar and Ronnie asking Ronnie whether he had heard the right name. "Jasbir’s or maybe it was Just freeze,"said Ronnie looking up again towards the group of students. "No Sir, there’s also no place with the name Just Freeze," they replied.
"Oh! Maybe you are talking about Geoffrey’s in Ansal Plaza," shrieked one girl. “Ohi Ohi, (yes, yes)that’s the one", exclaimed Ronnie suddenly remembering the name.
“Freeze guys- they are Punjabis,” yelled out one of the guys who had followed the Punjabi farmers to their car.
PS-This is a true story. Names have been changed so as not to embarass the Punjabi boys any further.
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 11:05 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Party
Friday, February 1, 2008
Sikh Diaspora Versus India
During the course of travel for my first book, to the west, I was astonished to listen to some of the views a section of Sikhs held.Even after almost one and a half decades of Punjab terrorism being comprehensively quelled and necessary balm (though not of very high quality) being applied, some of them not only rabidly hold an anti-Indian government stance, but a few still think Khalistan is feasible.
Also, during the travel, I observed that the west, especially America,was never so unsafe for the Sikhs as post 9/11. Many Sikhs had been targeted, some even killed by ignorant people who mistook the Sikhs,because of their turbans and flowing beards, as Arabs.
Being a community that has a natural instinct for survival and enterprise I was particularly interested in examining how the Sikhswere grappling with a post 9/11 America. While one of the significant outcomes of these circumstances has been the unprecedented rise of Sikh activism in America in terms of mushroom growth of Sikh advocacy organizations, the most note worthy is the dual policy adopted by those few maverick Sikhs who think that India as a country is Sikhs worst enemy. A sad situation by all means as India is from where we get our social, cultural and moral values.
Anybody who has traveled to the West in the last six years would agree that for a brown skin person the safest bet is calling himself an Indian. I know of several Pakistanis and Bangladeshis whom I met in UK and USA who have been doing it for years.
Similarly, Sikhs who would enter into an animated discussion over why Sikhs urgently needed Khalistan, when confronted with a situation whereby someone mistook them for an Arab, would call out I'm not an Arab but from India.
Not only do they use this line when fearing a physical assault, but they continuously use it for business enhancement as Indians over the years have carved out a reputation of being hard-working and professional.
"I concede this point", said the Fresno doctor who had got into a heated argument and on the verge of kicking me out of his clinic because of my outburst accusing him has a lunatic expatriate, divorced from ground realities. "But before you leave, answer my one question," he barked? "How do you justify the storming of the Golden Temple, followed by the 1984 Sikh riots?"
A tough one, this!
Khushwant Singh has recently authored 'Sikhs Unlimited' (Rupa & Co). It's a travelogue from UK to USA, featuring fourteen extra ordinary Sikh menand women. This article is an observation, made during the travel.
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 8:08 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Political
Destination Punjab
No amount of flak is reason enough to justify that NRIconclaves, like the one hosted recently, by the Punjab Government and Punjab Chambers of Commerce should not be held, because interact we must.
Having said that, taking this conclave forward, out of the ambit of mere hype, would be something of a challenge which no government has been able to meet, as yet.NRI role in development of Punjab is a 'give and take' phenomenon with the Punjab Government attempting to send a message across that it wasready to meet all the demands, required to make Punjab a preffered destination.
While the NRI's have never failed the 'Punjab Chalo' call, the readiness factor of the Punjab government is always a matter of suspicion. Not that there is any doubt in government's intent, but because of the very way it functions ,the government inadvertentlyputs its own plans in jeopardy.Impolite airport staff, insensitive police and an arrogant bureaucracyhas been some of the main grudges of the NRIs. Given from the business climate the NRIs come from, this treatment does not come as a handy tool to woo them. Perhaps this is exactly what Ujjal Dosanjh, formerPremier of British Columbia, meant when he said, societal change is imperative to attract parvasis.
For many NRI's the attitude only confirms that nothing has changed.A systems check of business environment also does not augur well forNRI investment. Turbulent political climate surely puts them off,reminding them of Punjab's age hold history of power struggles. An ad hoc and opaque system of functioning also ruins Punjab's case. Sample this -a US based software company owned by an Indian has been looking for land in the Mohali IT Park. His fix is that while he is sitting on an investment amount of three million dollars , he cannot, as majorityof the transaction in Punjab is in black money and all his money isaccounted for.Or take NRI Lajpat Rai Munger's case who donated a multi-crore IT centre in Hoshiarpur to the Punjab University just because because he was fed up of corruption. He had set up the institute seven years ago in partnership with California State University, Fresno.
Vision Punjab is a long drawn process, akin to developing a cricket team for the World Cup. Look for quick results and you might end lagging behind even the minnows. Since a start is yet to be made, should Punjab be a destination fornew Gen next knowledge based businesses. Or should it just remain a speculators destination, buying and selling land. Real estate is a great money spinner, but for Gen next businesses and true state building, involving the younger generation Diaspora is imperative.
New Businesses, other than the land lollipop, need infrastructure, HRD resource, high bandwidth, efficient and comfortable transport system,power and roads. Heat, stench, traffic chaos and delays are the other significant deterrents, especially for the young generation. A few years ago a young NRI cardiologist who joined a leading Hospital in Mohali, left in a huff after he was beaten by goons on one of the main highways, while negotiating pot-holes. Taking him as a drunken driver,the doctor was beaten black and blue.
'Agenda Punjab' feel many top notch NRIs should foster to make Punjab a hot destination, where the mind is allowed to flow freely.Something like what a Xerox or Hewlett Packard did to Bay area in SanFrancisco. It has been said that new trends in America are invented inthe Bay Area, amplified in L.A. and then broadcast from New York.Perhaps, that's the way to go for Punjab, powering the mind.
"I am quite serious about this new found career in comedy", says Bhan who made forays into the entertainment industry after his recent retirement from the corporate world.I don't like to hurt anyone with my jokes and never swear. And I definitely don't do Sardar jokes", adds Bhan who was in India recently.
When asked at one of his gigs if he knew any four letter word (the mainstayof many stand-up comedians), Bali's reply was "Yup, F.O. R.K. fork. Do you want to know another?
L..O..V..E..love!"
But by far, the question he is asked most, is about his turban --the reason why he wears it.
According to Bhan his responses vary from "Because I'm bald", to"Because I have something to hide", to finally saying "It's a part ofmy religion", thus creating cross cultural awareness through humour."We are all brothers, but born to different mothers", he often says at his shows.
Bhan , after immigration to the US in 1960, had made a few television appearances, even demonstrating how to tie a turban, and earned extra dollars through a stint in modelling, which he only stopped when advertisements featuring him turned up at unsavoury places.
According to Manpreet Kaur, a freelance journalist from Australia,humour came naturally to Bhan and he was seriously funny. He always has a gag up his sleeve, she says."His hallmark is clean crisp humour that people of any age, race orbackground can relate to, she adds.
Bhan who has lived most of his life in US said, "his heart was still in India and he wanted to perform in his native country, sometime."
"I 'm a simple guy who loves to make people laugh. Majority of us take life too seriously and forget to enjoy its simple pleasures i.e.laughter. My goal is to help people laugh and provide maximum comic relief around the world," he says. Of course, laughingly !
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 5:25 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Sikh Comedians
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Sikh Girl in US Army-Father asks Punjabis to shun Female Foeticide
"Daughters are a treasure. Please do not abort them".
In a straight forward message to fellow Punjabis, Mahan Singh, father of US army girl 'Specialist Ranbir Kaur, a Sikh girl who is performing front-line army duty in Iraq, said "that he would like Ranbir to be born as his daughter again and again.
Mahan Singh, a grape farmer in California, was visiting his native village Nijjran in Jalandhar district.
Indian born Ranbir who had donned the M-16 at a tender age of seventeen had created waves amongst the US Sikhs, becoming the firstSikh girl to have joined the US Army. Ranbir had shot into news again in 2006 after she was posted in Afghanistan on active war duty.
Presently Ranbir is in Iraq, posted near the Kuwait border where she is performing her duty as a gunner.Mahan Singh said, "that his daughter had not only brought pride to his family but the entire Sikh community of the US was proud of his daughter's decision. Though just a soldier in the army but her decision to join the US Army had helped US Sikhs to showcase their commitment towards their adopted country.
"Punjabis must shun female foeticide or their race will slowly dwindle as Punjabi boys will have to seek girls outside the state, said Mahan Singh.
According to him girls should be given the freedom to choose from whatever they wanted to do. "I have no regrets of Ranbir joining the army, though presently she is in the most violent part of the world. In fact she had got injured due to a gun a malfunction but she is back in action,"added Mahan Singh.
Mahan Singh who has two daughters and a son, said Ranbir had never failed in her family duties as well.
Recalling the time when he had been hospitalised due to a massive heart attack, Mahan Singh, said,Ranbir had taken centre-stage, taking care of him as well as the farm.
"Even now when she calls from Iraq her first question is about my diet," said Mahan. "Hope you are not eating too much of the banned stuff daddy, is usually Ranbir's first question, "added Mahan Singh.
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Labels: Female Foeticide
Monday, February 4, 2008
India-Is it the right time to invest in stocks and Mutual funds?
Swinging like a pendulum, the Indian stock market (present index hovering around 18,500) has been lucky for few and nightmarish for most.
Given the circumstances and global cues, most financial advisors suggest retail and first time investors should invest via Mutual Funds, only.
In this blog, for the benefit of viewers , we seek expert opinion on which stocks and Mutual funds to buy. Also, what would be more profitable -investing in blue chip stocks/mutual funds or real estate ?
Disclaimer- This is only a discussion. Please consult your financial advisor before investing in any sector.
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 12:19 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Stocks
Sikhs Unlimited
Sikhs Unlimited
A Book Review by MANJYOT KAUR
SIKHS UNLIMITED, by Khushwant Singh. Rupa & Co., New Delhi, 2007. ISBN-13: 978-81-291-1207-1. ix+211 pages. Price: Rs. 495.
Since the very beginning of the twentieth century, Sikhs have been successfully carving out their own exclusive niches in the West, excelling in many spheres of endeavor. This book, subtitled "A travelogue from Delhi to Los Angeles via London", gives fourteen such stories of notable achievement, showcasing Sikhs in Britain and the United States.
Its author, Chandigarh-based journalist Khushwant Singh, was a freelancer for the Tribune before joining the Times of India in 2002. He is also a regular columnist for sikhchic.com . Besides his career as a writer, he manages his ancestral farm in Hoshiarpur, Punjab.
Speaking of sikhchic.com - which previously published an article ("On the Global Sikh Trail") heralding the imminent arrival of this work - fully half of the chapters of Sikhs Unlimited highlight people who have already been featured on this website's "pages", some in excerpts taken from the book itself. These are: the artists known as "The Singh Twins"; the chef, Tony Singh; Fauja Singh, the nonagenarian marathoner; Ranbir Kaur, the young soldier; the guitarist "Hargo" (Hargobind Hari Singh); Gurinder Kaur Chadha, the filmmaker; and the businessman, Gurujot Singh Khalsa.
Of course, the successes enjoyed by the remaining seven individuals are no less noteworthy.
One of these is the British-born comedian, Sody Singh Kahlon, founder of "The Funjabis", who is not only "an icon of the British Sikh comedy industry", but of mainstream comedy in the U.K., as well. His adroit use of humor to teach serious messages about Sikhi and Sikh heritage to young people in the Diaspora is nowhere as evident as in his present act, "Soul Sikher", which revolves around "Paul, a.k.a. (Asianly Known As) Palwinder", a young Sikh totally immersed in British city life, until he gets a "reluctant re-acquaintance with his roots", via a one-way ticket to Punjab.
Next comes "the Godfather of Pop Bhangra Music", the fifty-something singer Harcharanjit ("Channi") Singh. Born near Malerkotla, he immigrated to England in 1976. Boosted by his leadership of the live band, "Alaap", his blockbuster career forever changed the face of Punjabi music in the British Diaspora. Not only is his own music-making far from over, his daughter is now following in his footsteps as a successful musician, as well.
"If there was no Harbhajan Singh Samra", this book's author confidently claims, "America would never have tasted bhindi". So are we introduced to the "Okra King", a savvy agricultural marketer who has created a unique niche as the largest seller of traditional Indian fruits and vegetables in the U.S. Jalandhar-born, he arrived in California in 1985, after a career as a practicing agronomist in India. Specializing in chilies, mangoes, and gourds such as the karela and tinda, his company's turnover has been estimated by The New York Times at over $10 million.
The first Indian cardiologist in America to hold a U.S. patent (he now owns twenty-four of them), Dr. Harvinder Singh Sahota is the inventor of the "Perfusion Balloon", an innovative device used in angioplasty surgeries worldwide. A sickly, fragile child who more than amply fulfilled his father's gratitude-fueled wish that he become a life-saving doctor, he migrated to England in 1965, and has enjoyed a highly lucrative practice in the U.S. since 1974.
As founder of a multi-million dollar polymer firm, Bikaner-born Ratanjit Singh Sondhe, in the U.S. since 1968, is a consummate master in successfully fusing Sikh tenets with modern corporate thinking. With his trademark humility and devotion to quality, he sees himself as "a manager of the resources of the divine", adding, "Excellence is the mission at POLY-CARB, because when you are serving the divine, how can you be mediocre?"
Chirinjeev Singh Kathuria, chairman of PlanetSpace, came to the U.S. as an infant in 1967. As leader of a company worth more than $340 million, his ambitious goal is nothing less than "space tourism" - fifteen-minute sub-orbital space flights, available to the "general public" (for a cool half-million dollar fee!) by 2009. His secret of success comes from Alexander the Great: "He conquered the world by not delaying".
Last, but by no means least, is Gurutej Singh Khalsa, who converted to Sikhism after entering the fold of Harbhajan Singh Yogi in 1969. As a law-enforcement agent with the New Mexico State Police, he was kicked off the force in 1979 because of his refusal to shave his beard and remove his turban. Crediting "Yogi Bhajan" for his support and inspiration, Gurutej responded by founding Akal Security, now one of America's largest private security providers. Headquartered in the Espanola, N.M.-based Sikh Dharma complex, his firm is contracted to protect a number of critical national defense and intelligence facilities, as well as a major U.S. airport.
In addition to an Introduction and an attractive central section of color photographs, this work contains a helpful Glossary, as well as an Index. It is interesting to note that a CD album by "Hargo", In Your Eyes , is also enclosed (in a plastic sleeve attached to the book's inside back cover).
It would surely be well-nigh impossible to disagree with Khushwant Singh's assessment of the fifteen Sikh men and women he has chosen to grace the pages of this book. They are indeed highly successful and inspiring individuals. Moreover, as the author says in his Introduction, there are many other luminaries living in the Diaspora; some of the major ones were deliberately left out of this work, in order to highlight the achievements of those who may be lesser known.
Given what he has done here with those in the American and British Sikh communities, it may be an opportune time for him to write a similar work on Sikh-Canadians. And why stop there? Further books on "leading lights" of Southeast Asia, East Africa and Oceania would also be welcome additions.
The author's informal writing style is well-suited to the anecdotal nature of this book's subject matter. Many readers, especially the young audience specifically targeted in the Introduction, will find it quite appealing. (Nevertheless, more accurate proofreading and closer editorial attention to grammar and syntax would have been of great benefit.) However, it does, in my view, "cross the line" at times, either taking its typically hard-edged irony to the brink of offensiveness, or indulging in what might be considered excessive hyperbole.
For instance, a happily-married man (in this case, chef Tony Singh) hardly deserves to be qualified, even if only in jest, as a "damn hen-pecked joru ka ghulam (slave to his wife)", just because he wants to skip a day of interviewing to privately celebrate his wedding anniversary. And, while "Hargo", a twenty-year-old rock guitarist, is undoubtedly a talented young musician of enormous promise, a comparison to Mardana, Guru Nanak's minstrel companion, would perhaps be an overstatement.
These caveats aside, if you are looking for a "feel-good" book that is full of chatty enthusiasm and chardi kalaa, you will find Sikhs Unlimited to be a very enjoyable and satisfying read.
This book can be obtained at
http://www.ethnicisland.com/
www.amazon.com
www.indiaplaza.com
www.jainbookdepot.com
Review- Courtsey http://www.sikhchic.com/
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 5:34 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Books
Sunday, February 3, 2008
In the Centre of Manhattan- Model tells who Sikhs are !
Washington: They have gained a reputation as fearless fighters and fabulous farmers. They have a genius with things mechanical and they are frontiersmen in exploration. Now, a 20-foot high mural in Midtown Manhattan and a slick new video of a handsome young Sikh is explaining the famed Indian community to the world while seeking to overturn prejudice and stereotype that has followed them in the post-9/11 era.
Sandeep ‘‘Sonny’’ Singh Caberwal is the talk — and toast — of the community for becoming the poster boy for Kenneth Cole, the American fashion designer, in his new campaign titled ‘‘We all walk in different shoes,’’ celebrating what is being called the company’s ‘‘25 years of non-uniform thinkers’’. Although the campaign features other unusual representatives, such as an Israeli and Palestinian film director duo and an HIV positive magazine editor, it’s Caberwal’s striking visage that is attracting attention in a country where every new face has its few seconds of fame.
The Kenneth Cole campaign comes at a time when there are still reports of hate crimes and victimization of Sikhs in the west despite efforts by community activists and organizations like Sikh Coalition and United Sikhs to educate the people. Only last week, a New Jersey woman was arrested after trying to yank the turban of a Sikh male in a bar. Caberwal is an entrepreneur, coowner of the Tavalon Tea Company in New York City.
An alumnus of Duke University, North Carolina, and a graduate of Washington DC’s Georgetown University Law School, he is also an accomplished tabla player who has cut a record. ‘I always draw strength from keeping my identity unique’ Washington: Kenneth Cole, the American fashion designer, has found a new poster boy in Sonny Caberwal for his new campaign titled ‘‘We all walk in different shoes.’’
Caberwal explains in the video, ‘‘I am an entrepreneur. I am a member of the Sikh religion. Sikhism is a monotheistic religion. It started in India in the 1500s. As part of our religion, we believe that Sikh men maintain a very strong visual identity. And we’re often, in this day and age, mistaken for Muslims. “I always drew strength from keeping this unique identity to remind me that I am different. For me it’s a matter of reinforcement, but for other people it’s become a symbol of hate, and a symbol of fundamentalism. When September 11 happened, I was in law school, and I was watching TV with all my peers, and I looked around and the Taliban came on TV. And they looked just like Sikh people...’’
While the US administration has also been helpful in combating prejudice and hate crimes by swiftly prosecuting perpetrators, popular culture is playing its role. In Spike Lee’s “The Inside Man”, starring Denzel Washington, a young Sikh named Vikram Walia (played by Waris Ahluwalia) is seen being roughed up by cops even as he attempts to explain the religion and why he needs to keep wearing his turban. When he complains of prejudice in America, Denzel Washington sardonically says: ‘‘I bet you don’t have any problems hailing a cab in New York’’ — a reference both to the many Sikh cabbies in the city and also the difficulty blacks face in getting cabs. It’s not the first time a Sikh male has had a crack at top-flight modelling in the west.
That honour goes to Vikram Chatwal, the entrepreneur son of the hotelier and Clinton acolyte Sant Singh Chatwal, who did a Vogue spread some time back, among other gigs.
Kenneth Cole, who incidentally is married to the daughter of former New York mayor Mario Cuomo, has a long history of supporting socially conscious initiatives, including the AWEARNESS campaign focused on Aids and homelessness.
Sikh websites and blogs are full of praise for his social awareness efforts. ‘‘As far as I am concerned, the team at Kenneth Cole could not have picked a more appropriate Sikh face for this ad campaign,’’ one blogger wrote on the site, SikhChic.
Courtsey-Times of India/www.sikhchic.com
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 8:38 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Positive Sikh Images
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Just Freeze !
Friends for years Kabir, Ronnie, Karan, Adiraj and Zorawar were planning a holiday together. Ronnie, who had recently been married, was keen to make clubbing the highpoint of the holiday.
Let’s go to Delhi next weekend” he suggested while pouring a whiskey for Kabir, who had just entered. Ronnie’s logic was, that since Karan, Kabir and he were engaged in the profession of farming, the trio were at a locational disadvantage when it came to high-street life.
Moreover, Ronnie who was still attending post wedding dinners wanted a break from the rigorous routine of butter chickens and scotch with relatives; was keen to take the new bride, partying; and was not averse to the idea of leching at women dressed in sleazy clothes in Delhi’s night-clubs.
Knowing that the majority would gladly agree with the last option, Ronnie shrewdly threw open the ‘chalo Delhi’ debate. With eyes on Kabir, for Ronnie knew that depending on his mood-swings Kabir could take either position- philosophically or physically driven -Ronnie uttered his self-made cliché “let’s all happen in Delhi.”
It was Kabir’s new Tata Sierra that was selected to transport the farmer couples to the national capital. Kabir’s wife Zara, Karan his wife Rehmat and Ronnie and his wife Tara on a cold December Saturday morning set on their journey to Delhi. It didn’t matter if the five seater Indian SUV got crammed from inside. Still in their honeymoon mode, the newly weds Ronnie and Tara, sticking to each other barely occupied two seats, one and a half to be precise.
“Thank you guys for taking us out on a shopping trip to Delhi”, remarked Zara from the rear seat. And you actually managed convincing Kabir to allow us women to shop is commendable, carried on Zara while giving a pat on Ronnie’s back who was sitting two passengers away.
That a stronger pat would have brought out in the open the giggle, Zara had no idea. Ronnie understandably had played his cards well- lured his friends by talking about the hot Delhi women and convinced the Hoshiarpur lasses by throwing them the shopping bait. No wonder friends had nicknamed Ronnie as shurli, or tale-spinner in English. Sensing trouble, Ronnie quickly changed the topic and bringing some sort of urgency in his voice, he asked Karan who was sitting on the navigator seat about Zorawar’s and Adiraj’s plans. Zorawar and Adiraj resided in Chandigarh, the joint capital of two north Indian states.
Zorawar who worked as a journalist with India’s largest daily The Times of India was married to Radha, his colleague at one point of time. Adiraj an upcoming entrepreneur was the only bachelor in the group. His tales of non compliance with time schedules were legendary. “They will reach Delhi straight from Chandigarh and will meet us at Vasant Vihar,” replied Karan. “Pity we can’t carry our own booze, because of this damned prohibition in Haryana state,” carried on Karan.
Telephone Dairies were out the moment the Tata Sierra touched Vasant Vihar (Kabir’s maternal grandparent’s house). The Chandigarh guys contrary to expectations also joined the group within half an hour. Ronnie and Adiraj both alumnus of Symbiosis Institute, Pune, had a horde of friends in Delhi. More girls, less boys. The star however was Deepa Mehta, a former Miss India runner up. The race was who spoke to her first.
“Deepa has suggested that we go to Jasbir’s tonight”, announced Ronnie, obviously having connected to the Miss India before Adiraj . Perhaps, the half an hour gap had proved costly for Adiraj. Only, if Adiraj had been pro-active he could have easily called Deepa from his mobile while in transit –something that Ronnie couldn’t have dared to with Tara by his side in the car. Tara in the entire seven hour journey had clutched her husband’s right hand tightly. She would also at times drop her head on his shoulder, seeking hundred percent attention.
“It’s located in the Asiad village and according to her it’s the most rocking place in Delhi these days, blurted out Ronnie in total excitement.
Kabir realising that Deepa’s word was gospel truth for both the boys, nodded his head in approval and said “If Deepa says so, her word must be honoured. But Ronnie are you sure it’s Jasbir’s asked Kabir? “Hundred percent,” replied Ronnie after which the all Punjabi troupe comprising of three women and five men headed for the Asiad village.
“Jasbir’s? We’ve never heard that name before”, replied a group of students, sitting on the steps of the Asiad village parking lot. “Yes, Miss India has advised my friend to visit Jasbir's in the Asiad village," said Adiraj while pointing towards Ronnie. "No sir, there’s no place with the name Jasbir’s. Are you sure it’s Jasbir’s," they asked again.
By now the rest of the gang had also disembarked from the cars and cluttered around Zorawar and Ronnie asking Ronnie whether he had heard the right name. "Jasbir’s or maybe it was Just freeze,"said Ronnie looking up again towards the group of students. "No Sir, there’s also no place with the name Just Freeze," they replied.
"Oh! Maybe you are talking about Geoffrey’s in Ansal Plaza," shrieked one girl. “Ohi Ohi, (yes, yes)that’s the one", exclaimed Ronnie suddenly remembering the name.
“Freeze guys- they are Punjabis,” yelled out one of the guys who had followed the Punjabi farmers to their car.
PS-This is a true story. Names have been changed so as not to embarass the Punjabi boys any further.
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 11:05 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Party
Friday, February 1, 2008
Sikh Diaspora Versus India
During the course of travel for my first book, to the west, I was astonished to listen to some of the views a section of Sikhs held.Even after almost one and a half decades of Punjab terrorism being comprehensively quelled and necessary balm (though not of very high quality) being applied, some of them not only rabidly hold an anti-Indian government stance, but a few still think Khalistan is feasible.
Also, during the travel, I observed that the west, especially America,was never so unsafe for the Sikhs as post 9/11. Many Sikhs had been targeted, some even killed by ignorant people who mistook the Sikhs,because of their turbans and flowing beards, as Arabs.
Being a community that has a natural instinct for survival and enterprise I was particularly interested in examining how the Sikhswere grappling with a post 9/11 America. While one of the significant outcomes of these circumstances has been the unprecedented rise of Sikh activism in America in terms of mushroom growth of Sikh advocacy organizations, the most note worthy is the dual policy adopted by those few maverick Sikhs who think that India as a country is Sikhs worst enemy. A sad situation by all means as India is from where we get our social, cultural and moral values.
Anybody who has traveled to the West in the last six years would agree that for a brown skin person the safest bet is calling himself an Indian. I know of several Pakistanis and Bangladeshis whom I met in UK and USA who have been doing it for years.
Similarly, Sikhs who would enter into an animated discussion over why Sikhs urgently needed Khalistan, when confronted with a situation whereby someone mistook them for an Arab, would call out I'm not an Arab but from India.
Not only do they use this line when fearing a physical assault, but they continuously use it for business enhancement as Indians over the years have carved out a reputation of being hard-working and professional.
"I concede this point", said the Fresno doctor who had got into a heated argument and on the verge of kicking me out of his clinic because of my outburst accusing him has a lunatic expatriate, divorced from ground realities. "But before you leave, answer my one question," he barked? "How do you justify the storming of the Golden Temple, followed by the 1984 Sikh riots?"
A tough one, this!
Khushwant Singh has recently authored 'Sikhs Unlimited' (Rupa & Co). It's a travelogue from UK to USA, featuring fourteen extra ordinary Sikh menand women. This article is an observation, made during the travel.
Posted by Serious KnickKnacker at 8:08 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: Political
Destination Punjab
No amount of flak is reason enough to justify that NRIconclaves, like the one hosted recently, by the Punjab Government and Punjab Chambers of Commerce should not be held, because interact we must.
Having said that, taking this conclave forward, out of the ambit of mere hype, would be something of a challenge which no government has been able to meet, as yet.NRI role in development of Punjab is a 'give and take' phenomenon with the Punjab Government attempting to send a message across that it wasready to meet all the demands, required to make Punjab a preffered destination.
While the NRI's have never failed the 'Punjab Chalo' call, the readiness factor of the Punjab government is always a matter of suspicion. Not that there is any doubt in government's intent, but because of the very way it functions ,the government inadvertentlyputs its own plans in jeopardy.Impolite airport staff, insensitive police and an arrogant bureaucracyhas been some of the main grudges of the NRIs. Given from the business climate the NRIs come from, this treatment does not come as a handy tool to woo them. Perhaps this is exactly what Ujjal Dosanjh, formerPremier of British Columbia, meant when he said, societal change is imperative to attract parvasis.
For many NRI's the attitude only confirms that nothing has changed.A systems check of business environment also does not augur well forNRI investment. Turbulent political climate surely puts them off,reminding them of Punjab's age hold history of power struggles. An ad hoc and opaque system of functioning also ruins Punjab's case. Sample this -a US based software company owned by an Indian has been looking for land in the Mohali IT Park. His fix is that while he is sitting on an investment amount of three million dollars , he cannot, as majorityof the transaction in Punjab is in black money and all his money isaccounted for.Or take NRI Lajpat Rai Munger's case who donated a multi-crore IT centre in Hoshiarpur to the Punjab University just because because he was fed up of corruption. He had set up the institute seven years ago in partnership with California State University, Fresno.
Vision Punjab is a long drawn process, akin to developing a cricket team for the World Cup. Look for quick results and you might end lagging behind even the minnows. Since a start is yet to be made, should Punjab be a destination fornew Gen next knowledge based businesses. Or should it just remain a speculators destination, buying and selling land. Real estate is a great money spinner, but for Gen next businesses and true state building, involving the younger generation Diaspora is imperative.
New Businesses, other than the land lollipop, need infrastructure, HRD resource, high bandwidth, efficient and comfortable transport system,power and roads. Heat, stench, traffic chaos and delays are the other significant deterrents, especially for the young generation. A few years ago a young NRI cardiologist who joined a leading Hospital in Mohali, left in a huff after he was beaten by goons on one of the main highways, while negotiating pot-holes. Taking him as a drunken driver,the doctor was beaten black and blue.
'Agenda Punjab' feel many top notch NRIs should foster to make Punjab a hot destination, where the mind is allowed to flow freely.Something like what a Xerox or Hewlett Packard did to Bay area in SanFrancisco. It has been said that new trends in America are invented inthe Bay Area, amplified in L.A. and then broadcast from New York.Perhaps, that's the way to go for Punjab, powering the mind.
KSINGH'S JOKES - 4
rief Description: Khushwant Singh was born in 1915 in Hadali, Punjab. He was educated at Government College, Lahore, and at King's College and the Inner Temple in London. He practiced at the Lahore High Court for several years before joining the Indian Ministry of External Affairs in 19477. He was sent on diplomatic postings to Canada and London and later went to Paris with UNESCO
He began a distinguished career as a journalist with All India Radio in 1951. Since then he has been founder-editor of Yojna, editor of the Illustrated Weekly of India, editor of the National Herald, and the editor of The Hindustan Times. Today he is India's best known columnist and journalist.
Khushwant Singh has also had an extremely successful career as a writer. Among the works published are classic two-volume history of the Sikhs, several novels - including Train to Pakistan, which won the Grove Press Award for the best work of fiction in 1954, I Shall Not Hear the Nightingale and Delhi - and a number of translated works and non-fiction books on Delhi, nature, and current affairs. His latest novel, The Company of Women, has since been released.
Khushwant Singh was a Member of Parliament from 1980 to 1986. Among other honors he was awarded the Padma Bhushan in 1974 by the President of India. He returned this decoration in 1984 in protest against the Union Government's siege of the Golden Temple, Amritsar.
He began a distinguished career as a journalist with All India Radio in 1951. Since then he has been founder-editor of Yojna, editor of the Illustrated Weekly of India, editor of the National Herald, and the editor of The Hindustan Times. Today he is India's best known columnist and journalist.
Khushwant Singh has also had an extremely successful career as a writer. Among the works published are classic two-volume history of the Sikhs, several novels - including Train to Pakistan, which won the Grove Press Award for the best work of fiction in 1954, I Shall Not Hear the Nightingale and Delhi - and a number of translated works and non-fiction books on Delhi, nature, and current affairs. His latest novel, The Company of Women, has since been released.
Khushwant Singh was a Member of Parliament from 1980 to 1986. Among other honors he was awarded the Padma Bhushan in 1974 by the President of India. He returned this decoration in 1984 in protest against the Union Government's siege of the Golden Temple, Amritsar.
KSINGH'S JOKES - 4
On a hot day in New Delhi (is there any other kind of day in New Delhi?) Two [East] Indian doctors were having a discussion: "I tell you it is spelt W-O-O-M." "NO, it's definitely spelt W-H-O-O-M." An old lady passing by remarked, "Gentlemen, I'm afraid that you're both wrong. It's actually spelt W-O-M-B". One doctor turns to the other and declares, "I bet she's never even SEEN a hippotamus let alone heard one fart underwater!"
Ajit looked up from the paper he was reading and remarked ``These Hindu fundamentalists are going to convert everyone.'' Robert was quite horrified and replied ``But what am I going to do? I'm a Christian!'' To which Ajit advised, after some thought, ``See Dr Manmohan Singh. He will make you partially convertable.''
One of Ajit's servants had twins. Appreciation (of a possible future raise) in his heart, he asked Ajit to give the two girls some English names. ``Call the first one Kate.'' ``And the second?'' ``Duplicate.''
A British officer in Madras noticed that the level in a carefully nutured bottle of sherry was slowly going down. He suspected that his servant was taking a few nips from time to time. To teach him a lesson he quietly topped it up with some urine and then grinned to himself as the level began sinking again. A month later he summoned the bearer and questioned him as to how the level was sinking when he had not touched a drop. The servant explained, ``But master, I put sherry in your soup every evening.''
Yahya Khan, trying to persuade a yokel to volunteer for the Pakistani Air Force, took him inside the aircraft and explained: "You press this yellow button to turn on the engine. Then you press the red one and the plane flies off. It's very simple." ``But how do I bring it down?'' asked the yokel. ``You don't have to bother with that,'' replied Yahya, ``Leave that to the Indian Air Force.''
PIA does not stand for Pakistan International Airlines. It means ``Please inform Allah.'' Then again, AI doesn't denote Air India --- rather it means ``Already informed.''
I am the youngest in the family. My brothers are called Rahmat Elahi (by God's kindness), Barkat Elahi (by God's grace) and Mahbub Elahi (beloved of God). As for me, I am Bas Kar Elahi (God that is enough).
Indian VIPs have recently been warned to take certain precautionary steps to avoid being blown up by terrorists. They have trouble following most of the points suggested.
* don't go to the same hotel or restaurant too often.
* don't walk in the same park at the same time every day.
* don't take the same car to work every day.
* don't sleep with the same person in the same place every night.
A survey was taken on the sexual habits of Mumbaiites (hell I didn't have any problems spelling Bombayites). One question asked what they did after having a good time. 10% said they simply went to sleep. 10% said they had some form of nourishment --- juice, water or a sandwich. The rest said they went home.
A firm of solicitors in Mumbai (funny, why not Delhi?) go under the name of Patel, Patel, Patel and Patel (actually, could just as well be Nairobi or London). The office phone rang and the voice at the other end asked: ``May I speak to Mr Patel?"
``Mr Patel is not in his seat."
``In that case could I speak to the other Mr Patel?''
``The other Mr Patel is out of station.''
``Then put me through to the third Mr Patel.''
``Sorry, the third Mr Patel has gone out for lunch.''
``Okay then I will speak to the last Mr Patel.''
``Patel speaking.''
(dunno if that story is true, but I was once at Mumbai International Airport when one of the officials began calling out for Mr Patel. Half the people around me turned their heads!)
A Sardarji (substitute appropriate tribe if required) is lying across the railway tracks with a bottle of whisky and a tandoori chicken within reach. A passerby asks why he is doing so when a train might come across at any moment. Because I want to commit suicide, replies the Sardar. The passerby then asks about the food and drink nearby. ``Why not? You can't rely on trains running on time any more. You don't expect me to die of hunger and thirst, do you?''
It's amazing the kind of English one sees in the streets. ``Froot Stal'' boasted one place selling ``froot chooce''. Perhaps I would need one on a ``two-wheller'', which was being sold next to a place that dealt with the ``serviec and repair'' of watches. Another sign said ``Do not stick posters here. Stickers will be prosecuted.'' And if you think I have trouble expressing myself, why not advise me to go to the ``National Institute for Stuttering Management and Behaviour Technology''?
Then there was the guy who, when asked to fill out his particulars on a form, wrote in the entry for ``Born'': Yes. And if you enjoyed that, consider this complaint by a passenger who missed his train: ``While me fall down in hurry to ride the going train I was saw the dam guard shouting the whistle and moving the flag (which country it was I didn't know) but he keep standing on the platefarum not try enter to the compartment. Was he go by aeroplan to next stashun?''
On the other hand, making use of other people's poor English is newer. A semi-literate (but rich) businessman wanted to make a donation to a local co-educational school. On hearing this, the head of a local boys' school wrote him the following letter. ``Do you know that in the co-ed school the boys and girls share the same curriculum? Moreover they matriculate together. And worse, they spend most of their time in seminars.'' And worse, the letter worked.
And of course Indlish can be quite useful in finding fake foreign goods. You know, the ones marked Made as England. Which reminds me of a story I once read, about some people who bought a pen in a store. ``Very good pen!'' bubbled the shopkeeper, ``Made in England!'' At which the shoppers showed him the (somehow honest) legend ``Made in India'' on the side of the pen. ``Oh yes,'' he said, quite unfazed. ``We make it here too.''
Wives of two MLAs were busy comparing notes about their spouses. ``Mine can talk hours on any subject!'' exclaimed one. ``That's nothing,'' said the other. ``Mine does not even need a subject to talk about.''
What do the postal envelopes issued by the Indian post office have in common with the Indo-Pak border?
Neither can be sealed.
General Zia was driving around Islamabad when he saw long queues of Pakistanis outside several embassies wanting visas and entry permits to go abroad. He got out of his car and joined a line to find out why so many people wanted to leave. No sooner did people see the President with them that they left the queue to return to their homes. President Zia asked them why they had had the change of heart. They replied: ``If you are leaving Pakistan, there is no reason for us to go.''
When my sister got married my parents were looking for a Bible verse to place on the wedding invitations. Somehow they didn't approve of my selection: ``Forgive them O Lord, they know not what they do.''
Then there was the nervous Tamilian who when asked by the priest at his daughter's wedding ``Who gives this girl away?'' replied ``Her mother, her father and I.'' I am not sure if that was the same wedding at which the malasori song was Cliff Richard's ``Bachelor Boy.''
A minister once described Feroze Gandhi as the Prime Minister's lap-dog. Later he was involved in a financial scandal. Which was when Feroze confronted him. ``Mr X, I hear yuo have been describing me as a lap-dog. You no doubt consider yourself a pillar of the state. Today I will do to you what a dog usually does to a pillar.''
A bunch of American researchers produced the thinnest wire the world had ever seen. They decided to go round the world to show off their invention. First they went to the Japanese, who promptly bore a hole through the wire. Determined to avenge this Asian humiliation, they went to India. Where a Sardar working in his backyard wrote in microscopic letters on it ``Made in India''.
At an International Conference on Crustacea, specimens of various types of crabs were kept in jars in a display laboratory. Each jar was covered at the top to prevent the crabs escaping. I noticed that one jar was uncovered, and immediately rushed to the nearest technician, very alarmed indeed. "Oh, don't worry!" he told me. "Those are Indian crabs. Whenever one of them begins to escape, all the other crabs pull it down. There's not a chance of any of THEM getting out."
A Minister is looking out of the window one morning. After some time he turns to his secretaries and says "My God, this country is getting nowhere. I've been looking at those workmen out there for the past hour and not one has done a stroke of work.
Democracy in India: One Man One Bribe. (Salman Rushdie, the Moor's Last Sigh)
Progress in India: Bribery via Visa.
Krishnan Menon, a lifelong bachelor, was once invited by a family with three kids to join them for a film, as they had got an extra ticket. Sure, that was fine with him and they headed off to the nearest bus stop. The first bus stopped, but there were only three places on board. The second had only four, the third one, and so on. They didn't want to be late so they began walking to the cinema. Menon's walking stick kept going tap tap tap on the ground and the father reprimanded him for it: "Why not put some rubber at the end of your stick so we can walk in peace?" "Ah," said Menon, "You're a fine one to talk. If you'd put one at the end of yours we could have caught a bus."
A foreign businessman is touring a plantation in Bihar. The manager eagerly points out everything, the irrigation system, the plants, etc. The foreigner points to a clump of eucalyptus trees "Those are indigenous trees?" "Oh yes, we got those from Australia."
Ajit looked up from the paper he was reading and remarked ``These Hindu fundamentalists are going to convert everyone.'' Robert was quite horrified and replied ``But what am I going to do? I'm a Christian!'' To which Ajit advised, after some thought, ``See Dr Manmohan Singh. He will make you partially convertable.''
One of Ajit's servants had twins. Appreciation (of a possible future raise) in his heart, he asked Ajit to give the two girls some English names. ``Call the first one Kate.'' ``And the second?'' ``Duplicate.''
A British officer in Madras noticed that the level in a carefully nutured bottle of sherry was slowly going down. He suspected that his servant was taking a few nips from time to time. To teach him a lesson he quietly topped it up with some urine and then grinned to himself as the level began sinking again. A month later he summoned the bearer and questioned him as to how the level was sinking when he had not touched a drop. The servant explained, ``But master, I put sherry in your soup every evening.''
Yahya Khan, trying to persuade a yokel to volunteer for the Pakistani Air Force, took him inside the aircraft and explained: "You press this yellow button to turn on the engine. Then you press the red one and the plane flies off. It's very simple." ``But how do I bring it down?'' asked the yokel. ``You don't have to bother with that,'' replied Yahya, ``Leave that to the Indian Air Force.''
PIA does not stand for Pakistan International Airlines. It means ``Please inform Allah.'' Then again, AI doesn't denote Air India --- rather it means ``Already informed.''
I am the youngest in the family. My brothers are called Rahmat Elahi (by God's kindness), Barkat Elahi (by God's grace) and Mahbub Elahi (beloved of God). As for me, I am Bas Kar Elahi (God that is enough).
Indian VIPs have recently been warned to take certain precautionary steps to avoid being blown up by terrorists. They have trouble following most of the points suggested.
* don't go to the same hotel or restaurant too often.
* don't walk in the same park at the same time every day.
* don't take the same car to work every day.
* don't sleep with the same person in the same place every night.
A survey was taken on the sexual habits of Mumbaiites (hell I didn't have any problems spelling Bombayites). One question asked what they did after having a good time. 10% said they simply went to sleep. 10% said they had some form of nourishment --- juice, water or a sandwich. The rest said they went home.
A firm of solicitors in Mumbai (funny, why not Delhi?) go under the name of Patel, Patel, Patel and Patel (actually, could just as well be Nairobi or London). The office phone rang and the voice at the other end asked: ``May I speak to Mr Patel?"
``Mr Patel is not in his seat."
``In that case could I speak to the other Mr Patel?''
``The other Mr Patel is out of station.''
``Then put me through to the third Mr Patel.''
``Sorry, the third Mr Patel has gone out for lunch.''
``Okay then I will speak to the last Mr Patel.''
``Patel speaking.''
(dunno if that story is true, but I was once at Mumbai International Airport when one of the officials began calling out for Mr Patel. Half the people around me turned their heads!)
A Sardarji (substitute appropriate tribe if required) is lying across the railway tracks with a bottle of whisky and a tandoori chicken within reach. A passerby asks why he is doing so when a train might come across at any moment. Because I want to commit suicide, replies the Sardar. The passerby then asks about the food and drink nearby. ``Why not? You can't rely on trains running on time any more. You don't expect me to die of hunger and thirst, do you?''
It's amazing the kind of English one sees in the streets. ``Froot Stal'' boasted one place selling ``froot chooce''. Perhaps I would need one on a ``two-wheller'', which was being sold next to a place that dealt with the ``serviec and repair'' of watches. Another sign said ``Do not stick posters here. Stickers will be prosecuted.'' And if you think I have trouble expressing myself, why not advise me to go to the ``National Institute for Stuttering Management and Behaviour Technology''?
Then there was the guy who, when asked to fill out his particulars on a form, wrote in the entry for ``Born'': Yes. And if you enjoyed that, consider this complaint by a passenger who missed his train: ``While me fall down in hurry to ride the going train I was saw the dam guard shouting the whistle and moving the flag (which country it was I didn't know) but he keep standing on the platefarum not try enter to the compartment. Was he go by aeroplan to next stashun?''
On the other hand, making use of other people's poor English is newer. A semi-literate (but rich) businessman wanted to make a donation to a local co-educational school. On hearing this, the head of a local boys' school wrote him the following letter. ``Do you know that in the co-ed school the boys and girls share the same curriculum? Moreover they matriculate together. And worse, they spend most of their time in seminars.'' And worse, the letter worked.
And of course Indlish can be quite useful in finding fake foreign goods. You know, the ones marked Made as England. Which reminds me of a story I once read, about some people who bought a pen in a store. ``Very good pen!'' bubbled the shopkeeper, ``Made in England!'' At which the shoppers showed him the (somehow honest) legend ``Made in India'' on the side of the pen. ``Oh yes,'' he said, quite unfazed. ``We make it here too.''
Wives of two MLAs were busy comparing notes about their spouses. ``Mine can talk hours on any subject!'' exclaimed one. ``That's nothing,'' said the other. ``Mine does not even need a subject to talk about.''
What do the postal envelopes issued by the Indian post office have in common with the Indo-Pak border?
Neither can be sealed.
General Zia was driving around Islamabad when he saw long queues of Pakistanis outside several embassies wanting visas and entry permits to go abroad. He got out of his car and joined a line to find out why so many people wanted to leave. No sooner did people see the President with them that they left the queue to return to their homes. President Zia asked them why they had had the change of heart. They replied: ``If you are leaving Pakistan, there is no reason for us to go.''
When my sister got married my parents were looking for a Bible verse to place on the wedding invitations. Somehow they didn't approve of my selection: ``Forgive them O Lord, they know not what they do.''
Then there was the nervous Tamilian who when asked by the priest at his daughter's wedding ``Who gives this girl away?'' replied ``Her mother, her father and I.'' I am not sure if that was the same wedding at which the malasori song was Cliff Richard's ``Bachelor Boy.''
A minister once described Feroze Gandhi as the Prime Minister's lap-dog. Later he was involved in a financial scandal. Which was when Feroze confronted him. ``Mr X, I hear yuo have been describing me as a lap-dog. You no doubt consider yourself a pillar of the state. Today I will do to you what a dog usually does to a pillar.''
A bunch of American researchers produced the thinnest wire the world had ever seen. They decided to go round the world to show off their invention. First they went to the Japanese, who promptly bore a hole through the wire. Determined to avenge this Asian humiliation, they went to India. Where a Sardar working in his backyard wrote in microscopic letters on it ``Made in India''.
At an International Conference on Crustacea, specimens of various types of crabs were kept in jars in a display laboratory. Each jar was covered at the top to prevent the crabs escaping. I noticed that one jar was uncovered, and immediately rushed to the nearest technician, very alarmed indeed. "Oh, don't worry!" he told me. "Those are Indian crabs. Whenever one of them begins to escape, all the other crabs pull it down. There's not a chance of any of THEM getting out."
A Minister is looking out of the window one morning. After some time he turns to his secretaries and says "My God, this country is getting nowhere. I've been looking at those workmen out there for the past hour and not one has done a stroke of work.
Democracy in India: One Man One Bribe. (Salman Rushdie, the Moor's Last Sigh)
Progress in India: Bribery via Visa.
Krishnan Menon, a lifelong bachelor, was once invited by a family with three kids to join them for a film, as they had got an extra ticket. Sure, that was fine with him and they headed off to the nearest bus stop. The first bus stopped, but there were only three places on board. The second had only four, the third one, and so on. They didn't want to be late so they began walking to the cinema. Menon's walking stick kept going tap tap tap on the ground and the father reprimanded him for it: "Why not put some rubber at the end of your stick so we can walk in peace?" "Ah," said Menon, "You're a fine one to talk. If you'd put one at the end of yours we could have caught a bus."
A foreign businessman is touring a plantation in Bihar. The manager eagerly points out everything, the irrigation system, the plants, etc. The foreigner points to a clump of eucalyptus trees "Those are indigenous trees?" "Oh yes, we got those from Australia."
KSINGH"S JOKES - 3
(1) Beast of burden
A Haryanvi peasant was walking down the road carrying a heavy sack of grain on his head. A kindly sardar farmer drawing his bullock cart offered him a lift. The Haryanvi gratefully accepted the offer and sat down in the cart but kept the sack on his head.
‘Chaudhury, why don’t you put the sack down in the gadda?’
‘Sardarji’, replied the Haryanvi, ‘your cart is already heavily loaded. I don’t want to put more burden on your poor bullock’.
(2) A Haryanvi riddle
A Haryana Jat who had been irritated by his failure to answer any of the riddles put to him by a clever bania said angrily: ‘All right, now you answer this riddle: What is hung on a wall, is red, drips and speaks?
After a while the bania admitted he did not know the answer.
‘It is a picture!’, said the Jat triumphantly.
‘A picture?’ It can be hung on a wall but it is not always red’, protested the bania.
‘Then paint it red.’
‘A picture doesn’t drip; its dry’, protested the bania again.
‘Put fresh paint on it and it will drip’.
‘But whoever heard of a picture talk!’
‘That’s right!’, replied the Jat, ‘I added that to make sure a cunning bania like you would not get the answer’.
(3) Peasant’s illness
A Haryanvi peasant being taken ill came to Delhi and was admitted to the All India Institute of Medical Sciences. Internee medical students came round in turns to examine him. Being Bengalis, Tamils and Punjabis none of them could understand what the ailing Haryanavi was saying to them in his dialect. Ultimately a Haryanvi lad working as a compounder in the hospital pharmacy came in and asked, “Taoo, tainey kay ho gaya(Uncle what’s gone wrong with you)?”
The peasant beamed: “Rey chhoray, daktar to too sey, bakee to sab kampoder laagain sey (O boy, you must be the real doctor, those others appear to be compounders).”
A Haryanvi peasant was walking down the road carrying a heavy sack of grain on his head. A kindly sardar farmer drawing his bullock cart offered him a lift. The Haryanvi gratefully accepted the offer and sat down in the cart but kept the sack on his head.
‘Chaudhury, why don’t you put the sack down in the gadda?’
‘Sardarji’, replied the Haryanvi, ‘your cart is already heavily loaded. I don’t want to put more burden on your poor bullock’.
(2) A Haryanvi riddle
A Haryana Jat who had been irritated by his failure to answer any of the riddles put to him by a clever bania said angrily: ‘All right, now you answer this riddle: What is hung on a wall, is red, drips and speaks?
After a while the bania admitted he did not know the answer.
‘It is a picture!’, said the Jat triumphantly.
‘A picture?’ It can be hung on a wall but it is not always red’, protested the bania.
‘Then paint it red.’
‘A picture doesn’t drip; its dry’, protested the bania again.
‘Put fresh paint on it and it will drip’.
‘But whoever heard of a picture talk!’
‘That’s right!’, replied the Jat, ‘I added that to make sure a cunning bania like you would not get the answer’.
(3) Peasant’s illness
A Haryanvi peasant being taken ill came to Delhi and was admitted to the All India Institute of Medical Sciences. Internee medical students came round in turns to examine him. Being Bengalis, Tamils and Punjabis none of them could understand what the ailing Haryanavi was saying to them in his dialect. Ultimately a Haryanvi lad working as a compounder in the hospital pharmacy came in and asked, “Taoo, tainey kay ho gaya(Uncle what’s gone wrong with you)?”
The peasant beamed: “Rey chhoray, daktar to too sey, bakee to sab kampoder laagain sey (O boy, you must be the real doctor, those others appear to be compounders).”
KSINGH"S JOKES - 2
Stolen from Khushwant Singh's Joke Book I.
A priest was playing golf with a taxi-driver (don't ask me why, I only write here). Whenever the latter played a bad shot, he would break into a deluge of profanity. The priest warned him against this and later threatened divine retribution if he continued. Which he did the next time he missed a sitter. ``Bloody f*ing hell, missed again!" yelled the driver, upon which a bolt of lightning immediately reduced the priest to ashes. The merely ashen-faced driver looked up to the heavens. Just in time to hear a deep voice say ``Bloody f*ing hell, missed again!"
A goalkeeper was walking down a street when he saw a house on fire. Rushing there, he saw a woman with a baby in her arms trapped on the third floor. He told her that, his job being what it was, he would catch the baby. After a little hesitation, she dropped the infant. The goalie caught it expertly, and in true reflexive fashion, moved a few steps with it before kicking the little brat into the distance.
A visitor to Espana was not impressed when he was told that bull-fighting was the most popular sport there. ``It's bloody revolting!'' he exclaimed. Unruffled, the Spaniard promptly replied ``Actually, revolting is our second most popular sport.''
Kruschev was busy denouncing Stalin at a public meeting when a voice shouted out ``If you feel this way now, why didn't you say so then?'' To which the Soviet leader thundered ``Who said that?'' There was a long and petrified silence which Kruschev finally broke. ``Now you know why.''
Mao was once asked what he thought would have happened if Kruschev had died instead of Kennedy. ``Well,'' he replied after much deliberation, ``I doubt if Aristotle Onassis would have married Mrs. Kruschev.''
A bunch of city dwellers go to the country, where a sign in a national park urges them to ``keep still and listen to the silence.'' After a while one turns to his wife and asks ``I can't hear anything, can you?''
Two IRA men were driving to a spot with a bomb in their car. ``Don't travel so rashly! You may set off the bomb!'' cautioned one. To which the other Paddy replied ``Don't worry, we have a spare bomb in the boot.'
A man was praying to God.
He said, "God!?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead," God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "a million years to me is only a second."
"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God said, "a million dollars to me is as a penny."
So the man said, "God. can I have a penny?"
And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."
Quoted in the Wall St. Journal --"I'm proud to say that my kids have proved time and again that they're reliable and trustworthy. Not once have they ever jumped bail."
Patient to eye doctor: " I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation,doctor. What are the chances? "
Eye doctor to patient: " Don't worry you won't be able to see the difference.
Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold a real Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope...not these days...I'm only giving out 1 wish because of inflation. So...what'll be?"
Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, man! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but I'm not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. So make another wish."
Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. They think she's a real bitch and ugly as sin. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want everybody to like her. That's what I want."
The Genie thought for a minute and said, "Hhhmmm. Lemme see that map again."
Harry Swartz is on his death bed, his wife Selda is by his side: "Selda, you've always been by my side"
"When I broke my leg at 25; you were by my side"
"When I had my first heart attack at 45; you were by my side"
"When I had my second heart attack at 65; you were by my side"
"When I broke my hip at 75; you were by my side"
"And now when I'm dying; you are at my side"........... "Selda, you're a fucking jinx!!"
Q:why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A:it was dead
Q:why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
A:he got hit by the first koala
Q:why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
A:he thought it was a game
Q:why did the Australian fall off his bike?
A:he got hit in the head by three falling koalas
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No".
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor. '
A priest was playing golf with a taxi-driver (don't ask me why, I only write here). Whenever the latter played a bad shot, he would break into a deluge of profanity. The priest warned him against this and later threatened divine retribution if he continued. Which he did the next time he missed a sitter. ``Bloody f*ing hell, missed again!" yelled the driver, upon which a bolt of lightning immediately reduced the priest to ashes. The merely ashen-faced driver looked up to the heavens. Just in time to hear a deep voice say ``Bloody f*ing hell, missed again!"
A goalkeeper was walking down a street when he saw a house on fire. Rushing there, he saw a woman with a baby in her arms trapped on the third floor. He told her that, his job being what it was, he would catch the baby. After a little hesitation, she dropped the infant. The goalie caught it expertly, and in true reflexive fashion, moved a few steps with it before kicking the little brat into the distance.
A visitor to Espana was not impressed when he was told that bull-fighting was the most popular sport there. ``It's bloody revolting!'' he exclaimed. Unruffled, the Spaniard promptly replied ``Actually, revolting is our second most popular sport.''
Kruschev was busy denouncing Stalin at a public meeting when a voice shouted out ``If you feel this way now, why didn't you say so then?'' To which the Soviet leader thundered ``Who said that?'' There was a long and petrified silence which Kruschev finally broke. ``Now you know why.''
Mao was once asked what he thought would have happened if Kruschev had died instead of Kennedy. ``Well,'' he replied after much deliberation, ``I doubt if Aristotle Onassis would have married Mrs. Kruschev.''
A bunch of city dwellers go to the country, where a sign in a national park urges them to ``keep still and listen to the silence.'' After a while one turns to his wife and asks ``I can't hear anything, can you?''
Two IRA men were driving to a spot with a bomb in their car. ``Don't travel so rashly! You may set off the bomb!'' cautioned one. To which the other Paddy replied ``Don't worry, we have a spare bomb in the boot.'
A man was praying to God.
He said, "God!?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead," God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "a million years to me is only a second."
"Hmmm," the man wondered. Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God said, "a million dollars to me is as a penny."
So the man said, "God. can I have a penny?"
And God cheerfully said, "Sure!!.....just a second."
Quoted in the Wall St. Journal --"I'm proud to say that my kids have proved time and again that they're reliable and trustworthy. Not once have they ever jumped bail."
Patient to eye doctor: " I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation,doctor. What are the chances? "
Eye doctor to patient: " Don't worry you won't be able to see the difference.
Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold a real Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope...not these days...I'm only giving out 1 wish because of inflation. So...what'll be?"
Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, man! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but I'm not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. So make another wish."
Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. They think she's a real bitch and ugly as sin. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want everybody to like her. That's what I want."
The Genie thought for a minute and said, "Hhhmmm. Lemme see that map again."
Harry Swartz is on his death bed, his wife Selda is by his side: "Selda, you've always been by my side"
"When I broke my leg at 25; you were by my side"
"When I had my first heart attack at 45; you were by my side"
"When I had my second heart attack at 65; you were by my side"
"When I broke my hip at 75; you were by my side"
"And now when I'm dying; you are at my side"........... "Selda, you're a fucking jinx!!"
Q:why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A:it was dead
Q:why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
A:he got hit by the first koala
Q:why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
A:he thought it was a game
Q:why did the Australian fall off his bike?
A:he got hit in the head by three falling koalas
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No".
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor. '
KHUSHWANT SINGH'S JOKES -1
Khushwant Singh's Jokes
CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR
Santa was flying to Chandigarh from Pune. He was allotted a middle seat but decided to take the window seat instead, which had been allotted to an old lady. The lady requested Santa to exchange the seats and let her sit on the seat allotted to her. He refused, saying, 'I want to see the view from the window.' The old lady complained to the air hostess who requested Santa to sit on his allotted middle seat. Santa was adamant and bluntly refused. The air hostess went up to the co-pilot. He too came and requested Santa, but in vain. Finally, the captain of the aircraft came. He whispered something in Santa's ears. Santa immediately vacated the window seat and took the middle seat. Astonished, the air hostess and the co-pilot asked the captain what he had said to Santa. The captain replied: 'Nothing, I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others were going to Jalandhar.'
Contributed by Jyotica Sikand, New Delhi
B R IG H T IDEA
Just married, Sukhwant had bad news for her husband when he returned home from his day's work. 'I feel so sorry,' Sukhwant said with a sob, 'I was pressing your best suit and burnt a hole in the seat of the trousers.' 'Don't worry, darling,' said the husband amorously, 'I have another pair of trousers to match that suit.' 'Yes, I know,' Sukhwant replied. 'You're lucky that you have. Thanks to that, I was able to patch up the hole!'
Contributed by Shashank Shekhar, New Mumbai
RIDDLE
Santa and Banta met on a village road. Santa was carrying a large gunny bag over his shoulder. 'Oye, Santa,' hailed Banta, 'what is in the bag?' 'Murgiyan -- Chickens,' came the reply. 'If I guess how many, can I have one?' asked Banta 'You can have both of them.' 'OK,' said Banta, 'five.'
Contributed by Jyotica Sikand, New Delhi
INDIA -- THE NEW MILLENNIUM G R E E D UNLIMITED
Lala Garib Chand was a wealthy zamindar. He asked his maneem (accountant) to add up all he owned and how long it could last. The muneem added up all his assets and assured him that it would certainly hold out till the traditional saat pusht -- seven generations. Far from being relieved Lala Garib Chand looked more disconsolate than before and with a great sigh of sorrow exclaimed, Hai! Hamaaree aathveen pusht ka kya hogaV (Oh! What will happen to our eighth generation?)
Contributed by UK. Malhotra, New Delhi
Cheer up my son, buck up my boy, You are living in 'The Land of Joy'. You go to school where they do not teach, In the House of God, they hatred preach. If you have merit, you will sigh and sob, If you are backward, you might get a job. Out of caste, if you dare to wed, Your kith and kin will chop your head. If you are honest, in north or in south, You will live from hand to mouth. If you are wily and your means sinister, You are likely to become a chief minister. But remember the new maxim, my lad, Defection is good, conversion is bad.
Contributed by G.C. Bhandari, Meerut
LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER
While being interviewed an actress was asked whether she intended to get married in the near future. The lady replied, 'Never, I will follow in the footsteps of my mother. Like her, I will remain single.'
Contributed by J.P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal
HAND BAGGAGE
Uijaagar boarded a crowded bus with a bagful of purchases. There was no vacant seat. As the old bus rattled and swayed, he supported himself precariously, holding the bag in one hand, the other hand holding the bar provided near the ceiling. 'Ticket ... ticket ... ticket,' the conductor made several rounds past Ujaagar. His wallet in his hip pocket and both hands engaged, Ujaagar didn't know what to do. 'Ticket, Sardarji,' the conductor asked again. Ujaagar thrust the bag into the conductor's hand and struggled to take the wallet out, when the conductor protested: T can't be carrying passengers' baggage like this -- I'm the conductor, after all!' 'Okay, then give me the bag, and here, will you please hold the bar,' replied Ujaagar.
Contributed by S.A. Baseer, Hyderabad
LABOUR WOES
The Indian and Cuban labour ministers were in the midst of a meeting. Cuban labour minister: 'Labour problems in our nation produce hundreds of types of tensions for me.' Indian labour minister: 'That's nothing. Labour problems in our nation produce 50,000 babies every day.'
NEW INVENTION
Santa said to Santa, T have invented a new kind of computer which behaves like a human being.' 'In what way?' asked Santa. 'Whenever it makes a mistake,' replied Banta, 'it blames other computers.'
Contributed by J.P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal
WHAT A CHEAP ...!
Banta went to a cheap restaurant to have dinner. He ran into his friend Ram Lai who was working there as a waiter. 'Ram Lai, aren't you ashamed of working in this thirdclass restaurant?' he asked. T may work in a third-class restaurant,' replied Ram Lai, 'but I don't eat in one like you.'
Contributed by J.P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal
CATCH THEM ...!
An Englishman, an American, and a Sardarji were called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman said, T think I can empty 20 bottles of beer.' BUZZZZZ went the lie detector. 'OK,' he said, '10 bottles.' And the machine was silent. ,. The American said, 'I think I can eat 15 hamburgers.' BUZZZZZ went the lie detector. 'Alright, 8 hamburgers.' And the machine was silent. The Sardarji said, `I think ...' BUZZZZZ went the machine!
Contributed by Hardip Kaur Sandhu, Denmark
SMART MOVE
Rakesh: 'Broken off your engagement to Meena?' Mahesh: 'She would not have me.' Rakesh: 'You should have told her about your rich uncle in Bombay.' Mahesh: T did. She is my aunt now.'
Contributed by Kesava Prasad, Tamilnadu
BETTING B L U E S
5anta saw that his friend Ram Lai was very depressed. 'What happened?' asked Santa. 'Yaar, I lost Rs 800 in a bet yesterday.' 'How come?' 'Well, yesterday, the one day match between India and England was being shown live on TV I bet Rs 500 that India would win, but I lost the bet.' 'But that's only Rs 500, where did the rest go?' 'Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!'
Contributed by Ainit Kachnt, Washington DC
ONE FOR IMAMDIN
Subedar Lehna Singh and Subedar Imamdin were in the same regiment in the British Indian Army. They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together. The partition separated them as Subedar Imamdin was absorbed in the Pakistan Army. To keep his friend's memory alive Subedar Lehna Singh always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately! When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: 'This glass is Imamdin's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each -- one on behalf of Imamdin, the other for myself.' Suddenly one evening Subedar Lehna Singh was seen with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, 'You see, I have given up drinking but Imamdin has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend.'
Contributed by Dr Dhanul Haq Haqqi, Karachi
COVERING YOUR TRACKS
An editor once wrote: 'Don't be surprised if you find mistakes in this editorial newsletter. We print something for everyone. And some people are always looking for mistakes.'
Contributed by Gagan Dhir, New Delhi
CAREER PLANNING HONOURABLE POLITICS?
A man saw an epitaph in a cemetery which read: 'Here lies an honest man and politician.' 'Shame,' he cried, 'two people in the same grave!'
Contributed by H.D. Shourie, New Delhi
Banto took her son Ghanta to the headmaster and said, 'Masterjee, my Ghanta thinks about a lot of things but when it comes to work, he does nothing. What should we do for his career?' The headmaster replied, 'Get him to apply for a job in the Planning Commission.'
Contributed by J. P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal
WHODUNIT?
I hree men applied for the job of a detective: Santa from India, Marc Grayberg, a Jew; and Tom Silanti, an Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon the answer. When Grayberg arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, 'Who killed Jesus Christ?' He answered without hesitation, 'The Romans killed him.' The chief thanked him and he left. When Silanti arrived for his interview, the chief asked him the same question. He replied, 'Jesus was killed by the Jews.' The chief thanked him also and he left. Finally, Santa arrived for his interview and was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, 'Could I have some time to think about it?' The chief said, 'Ok, but get back to me tomorrow.' When Santa arrived home, his wife asked, 'How did the interview go?' Pat came the reply, 'Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!'
Contributed by Hardip Kaur Sandhu, Denmark
TONGUE OF SLIP
An Akali leader was fulminating against the Congress. Addressing a crowded university meeting, he thundered, 'The Congress wallahs are all waters of the first rogue.' The audience burst into laughter over his lapse of tongue. The Akali leader realised he had made a mistake. He joined the palms of his hands to ask for pardon, T am very sorry, it is a tongue of slip.' This time the laughter was louder than before. The gentleman that he was, the Akali leader was genuinely contrite, 'You must pardon me. I am always limiting the cross.'
Contributed by S.R. Patnaik, Cuttack
FAIR EXCHANGE
When I was a youngster,' complained the frustrated father Ujaagar, T was disciplined by being confined to my room and not allowed to play with friends. But my son has his own colour TV, telephone, computer, and CD player to keep himself amused.' 'So what do you do?' asked his friend. T send him to my room!'
Contributed by Atul Kamath, Kumta
OH GOD!
A disciple went to his Guru asking for tips to attain enlightenment. The Guru advised, 'Take a mala (rosary) and go up into the Himalayas and meditate.' The disciple went away. Several months later, the Guru paid him a visit and asked, 'How do you like it up here in the snows?' 'Just fine,' replied the disciple. 'And what about the weather? Don't you freeze?' 'As long as I have my mala and my chillum (bowl full of tobacco), I don't care how cold it is.' T am glad to hear it. Can I also have a chillum for myself right now,' asked the Guru, shivering with cold. 'Why not!' said the disciple. 'Mala! Would you bring us two chillumsl'
Contributed by Anirban Sen, New Delhi
ALIVE OR DEAD
Banta and Ram Lai were working on a roof, when Banta slipped and fell to the ground. Ram Lai leaned over and called out: 'You dead or alive, Banta?' 'Alive,' moaned Banta. 'You're a liar. I don't know whether to believe you or not,' said Ram Lai. 'Then I must be dead,' said Banta, 'because you wouldn't dare call me a liar if I were alive.'
Contributed by Shivtar Singh Dal la, Ludhiana.
SPEAKER Vs MP
I wo dogs were discussing their masters. The first said, 'My master is the speaker of the House, when I start barking, he cannot stand it and keeps saying, "please, please, please ..." to stop me from barking.' The other, belonging to an MP, said, 'At least your master is polite. Mine is a most devious man. After abusing everyone in the house he has the audacity to put a signboard on his gate, "Beware of the dog"
Contributed by T.R. Rishi, Alwar
HARD TO PLEASE
When Balwant Kaur disapproved the girl her son wanted to marry, a friend told the young man, 'You must find a girl who is like your mother.' Several months later, the young man told his friend, T finally found a girl who looks, talks, and acts just like my mother.' 'Congratulations!' said his friend. 'Not yet', said the young man and added, 'this time my father objected!'
SARDARS AGAIN BLOODY ONION
He forbade me to eat. Even onion, a harmless edible That has nothing to do with meat. I wondered why father sermonised, 'Beware of onion, touch it not It has a bitter taste, With danger it is fraught.' I realised the wisdom of father's sermon, When election results were out. Is not onion, the bloody onion, That caused the BJP's rout?
Contributed by G.C. Bhandari, Meerut
My father was a strict vegetarian
Santa and Banta went fishing. They caught a lot of fish and returned to the shore. Santa: T hope you remember the spot where we caught all these fish,' Banta: 'Yes, I marked X on the side of the boat to mark the spot.' Santa: 'You idiot! How do we know we will get the same boat tomorrow?'
WISH FULFILLED
God created a mule, and told him, 'You will be a mule, work constantly from dawn to dusk, and carry heavy loads on your back You will eat grass and lack intelligence You will live for 50 years.' The mule answered, 'To live like that for 50 years will be too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 20 years. And it was so. Then God created a dog, and told him, 'You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.' The dog responded, 'Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that will be too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.' And it was so. God then created a monkey, and told him, 'You will be a monkey. You will swing from tree to tree and act like an idiot. You will be funny, and you will live for 20 years. The monkey responded, 'Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world will be too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.' And it was so. Finally, God created man and told him, 'You will be the only rational being that walks on the earth You will use your intelligence to have mastery over other creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years.' The man responded, 'Lord, to be a man for only 20 years will be too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey refused.' And it was so.
Ever since the grant of that wish man's life goes somewhat like this: He lives the first 20 years as a man enjoying himself without a worry in the world, then he marries and have children, to support them he has to work like a mule and carry the heavy responsibility (load) of his family on his shoulders. This goes on till he is 40. The next 15 years he lives a dog's life guarding his house and eating leftovers after the children have emptied the pantry. Finally in his old age he lives the last 10 years as a monkey, entertaining his grandchildren by acting like an idiot. And so, it has been ever since.
CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR
Santa was flying to Chandigarh from Pune. He was allotted a middle seat but decided to take the window seat instead, which had been allotted to an old lady. The lady requested Santa to exchange the seats and let her sit on the seat allotted to her. He refused, saying, 'I want to see the view from the window.' The old lady complained to the air hostess who requested Santa to sit on his allotted middle seat. Santa was adamant and bluntly refused. The air hostess went up to the co-pilot. He too came and requested Santa, but in vain. Finally, the captain of the aircraft came. He whispered something in Santa's ears. Santa immediately vacated the window seat and took the middle seat. Astonished, the air hostess and the co-pilot asked the captain what he had said to Santa. The captain replied: 'Nothing, I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others were going to Jalandhar.'
Contributed by Jyotica Sikand, New Delhi
B R IG H T IDEA
Just married, Sukhwant had bad news for her husband when he returned home from his day's work. 'I feel so sorry,' Sukhwant said with a sob, 'I was pressing your best suit and burnt a hole in the seat of the trousers.' 'Don't worry, darling,' said the husband amorously, 'I have another pair of trousers to match that suit.' 'Yes, I know,' Sukhwant replied. 'You're lucky that you have. Thanks to that, I was able to patch up the hole!'
Contributed by Shashank Shekhar, New Mumbai
RIDDLE
Santa and Banta met on a village road. Santa was carrying a large gunny bag over his shoulder. 'Oye, Santa,' hailed Banta, 'what is in the bag?' 'Murgiyan -- Chickens,' came the reply. 'If I guess how many, can I have one?' asked Banta 'You can have both of them.' 'OK,' said Banta, 'five.'
Contributed by Jyotica Sikand, New Delhi
INDIA -- THE NEW MILLENNIUM G R E E D UNLIMITED
Lala Garib Chand was a wealthy zamindar. He asked his maneem (accountant) to add up all he owned and how long it could last. The muneem added up all his assets and assured him that it would certainly hold out till the traditional saat pusht -- seven generations. Far from being relieved Lala Garib Chand looked more disconsolate than before and with a great sigh of sorrow exclaimed, Hai! Hamaaree aathveen pusht ka kya hogaV (Oh! What will happen to our eighth generation?)
Contributed by UK. Malhotra, New Delhi
Cheer up my son, buck up my boy, You are living in 'The Land of Joy'. You go to school where they do not teach, In the House of God, they hatred preach. If you have merit, you will sigh and sob, If you are backward, you might get a job. Out of caste, if you dare to wed, Your kith and kin will chop your head. If you are honest, in north or in south, You will live from hand to mouth. If you are wily and your means sinister, You are likely to become a chief minister. But remember the new maxim, my lad, Defection is good, conversion is bad.
Contributed by G.C. Bhandari, Meerut
LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER
While being interviewed an actress was asked whether she intended to get married in the near future. The lady replied, 'Never, I will follow in the footsteps of my mother. Like her, I will remain single.'
Contributed by J.P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal
HAND BAGGAGE
Uijaagar boarded a crowded bus with a bagful of purchases. There was no vacant seat. As the old bus rattled and swayed, he supported himself precariously, holding the bag in one hand, the other hand holding the bar provided near the ceiling. 'Ticket ... ticket ... ticket,' the conductor made several rounds past Ujaagar. His wallet in his hip pocket and both hands engaged, Ujaagar didn't know what to do. 'Ticket, Sardarji,' the conductor asked again. Ujaagar thrust the bag into the conductor's hand and struggled to take the wallet out, when the conductor protested: T can't be carrying passengers' baggage like this -- I'm the conductor, after all!' 'Okay, then give me the bag, and here, will you please hold the bar,' replied Ujaagar.
Contributed by S.A. Baseer, Hyderabad
LABOUR WOES
The Indian and Cuban labour ministers were in the midst of a meeting. Cuban labour minister: 'Labour problems in our nation produce hundreds of types of tensions for me.' Indian labour minister: 'That's nothing. Labour problems in our nation produce 50,000 babies every day.'
NEW INVENTION
Santa said to Santa, T have invented a new kind of computer which behaves like a human being.' 'In what way?' asked Santa. 'Whenever it makes a mistake,' replied Banta, 'it blames other computers.'
Contributed by J.P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal
WHAT A CHEAP ...!
Banta went to a cheap restaurant to have dinner. He ran into his friend Ram Lai who was working there as a waiter. 'Ram Lai, aren't you ashamed of working in this thirdclass restaurant?' he asked. T may work in a third-class restaurant,' replied Ram Lai, 'but I don't eat in one like you.'
Contributed by J.P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal
CATCH THEM ...!
An Englishman, an American, and a Sardarji were called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman said, T think I can empty 20 bottles of beer.' BUZZZZZ went the lie detector. 'OK,' he said, '10 bottles.' And the machine was silent. ,. The American said, 'I think I can eat 15 hamburgers.' BUZZZZZ went the lie detector. 'Alright, 8 hamburgers.' And the machine was silent. The Sardarji said, `I think ...' BUZZZZZ went the machine!
Contributed by Hardip Kaur Sandhu, Denmark
SMART MOVE
Rakesh: 'Broken off your engagement to Meena?' Mahesh: 'She would not have me.' Rakesh: 'You should have told her about your rich uncle in Bombay.' Mahesh: T did. She is my aunt now.'
Contributed by Kesava Prasad, Tamilnadu
BETTING B L U E S
5anta saw that his friend Ram Lai was very depressed. 'What happened?' asked Santa. 'Yaar, I lost Rs 800 in a bet yesterday.' 'How come?' 'Well, yesterday, the one day match between India and England was being shown live on TV I bet Rs 500 that India would win, but I lost the bet.' 'But that's only Rs 500, where did the rest go?' 'Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!'
Contributed by Ainit Kachnt, Washington DC
ONE FOR IMAMDIN
Subedar Lehna Singh and Subedar Imamdin were in the same regiment in the British Indian Army. They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together. The partition separated them as Subedar Imamdin was absorbed in the Pakistan Army. To keep his friend's memory alive Subedar Lehna Singh always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately! When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: 'This glass is Imamdin's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each -- one on behalf of Imamdin, the other for myself.' Suddenly one evening Subedar Lehna Singh was seen with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, 'You see, I have given up drinking but Imamdin has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend.'
Contributed by Dr Dhanul Haq Haqqi, Karachi
COVERING YOUR TRACKS
An editor once wrote: 'Don't be surprised if you find mistakes in this editorial newsletter. We print something for everyone. And some people are always looking for mistakes.'
Contributed by Gagan Dhir, New Delhi
CAREER PLANNING HONOURABLE POLITICS?
A man saw an epitaph in a cemetery which read: 'Here lies an honest man and politician.' 'Shame,' he cried, 'two people in the same grave!'
Contributed by H.D. Shourie, New Delhi
Banto took her son Ghanta to the headmaster and said, 'Masterjee, my Ghanta thinks about a lot of things but when it comes to work, he does nothing. What should we do for his career?' The headmaster replied, 'Get him to apply for a job in the Planning Commission.'
Contributed by J. P. Singh Kaka, Bhopal
WHODUNIT?
I hree men applied for the job of a detective: Santa from India, Marc Grayberg, a Jew; and Tom Silanti, an Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon the answer. When Grayberg arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, 'Who killed Jesus Christ?' He answered without hesitation, 'The Romans killed him.' The chief thanked him and he left. When Silanti arrived for his interview, the chief asked him the same question. He replied, 'Jesus was killed by the Jews.' The chief thanked him also and he left. Finally, Santa arrived for his interview and was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, 'Could I have some time to think about it?' The chief said, 'Ok, but get back to me tomorrow.' When Santa arrived home, his wife asked, 'How did the interview go?' Pat came the reply, 'Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!'
Contributed by Hardip Kaur Sandhu, Denmark
TONGUE OF SLIP
An Akali leader was fulminating against the Congress. Addressing a crowded university meeting, he thundered, 'The Congress wallahs are all waters of the first rogue.' The audience burst into laughter over his lapse of tongue. The Akali leader realised he had made a mistake. He joined the palms of his hands to ask for pardon, T am very sorry, it is a tongue of slip.' This time the laughter was louder than before. The gentleman that he was, the Akali leader was genuinely contrite, 'You must pardon me. I am always limiting the cross.'
Contributed by S.R. Patnaik, Cuttack
FAIR EXCHANGE
When I was a youngster,' complained the frustrated father Ujaagar, T was disciplined by being confined to my room and not allowed to play with friends. But my son has his own colour TV, telephone, computer, and CD player to keep himself amused.' 'So what do you do?' asked his friend. T send him to my room!'
Contributed by Atul Kamath, Kumta
OH GOD!
A disciple went to his Guru asking for tips to attain enlightenment. The Guru advised, 'Take a mala (rosary) and go up into the Himalayas and meditate.' The disciple went away. Several months later, the Guru paid him a visit and asked, 'How do you like it up here in the snows?' 'Just fine,' replied the disciple. 'And what about the weather? Don't you freeze?' 'As long as I have my mala and my chillum (bowl full of tobacco), I don't care how cold it is.' T am glad to hear it. Can I also have a chillum for myself right now,' asked the Guru, shivering with cold. 'Why not!' said the disciple. 'Mala! Would you bring us two chillumsl'
Contributed by Anirban Sen, New Delhi
ALIVE OR DEAD
Banta and Ram Lai were working on a roof, when Banta slipped and fell to the ground. Ram Lai leaned over and called out: 'You dead or alive, Banta?' 'Alive,' moaned Banta. 'You're a liar. I don't know whether to believe you or not,' said Ram Lai. 'Then I must be dead,' said Banta, 'because you wouldn't dare call me a liar if I were alive.'
Contributed by Shivtar Singh Dal la, Ludhiana.
SPEAKER Vs MP
I wo dogs were discussing their masters. The first said, 'My master is the speaker of the House, when I start barking, he cannot stand it and keeps saying, "please, please, please ..." to stop me from barking.' The other, belonging to an MP, said, 'At least your master is polite. Mine is a most devious man. After abusing everyone in the house he has the audacity to put a signboard on his gate, "Beware of the dog"
Contributed by T.R. Rishi, Alwar
HARD TO PLEASE
When Balwant Kaur disapproved the girl her son wanted to marry, a friend told the young man, 'You must find a girl who is like your mother.' Several months later, the young man told his friend, T finally found a girl who looks, talks, and acts just like my mother.' 'Congratulations!' said his friend. 'Not yet', said the young man and added, 'this time my father objected!'
SARDARS AGAIN BLOODY ONION
He forbade me to eat. Even onion, a harmless edible That has nothing to do with meat. I wondered why father sermonised, 'Beware of onion, touch it not It has a bitter taste, With danger it is fraught.' I realised the wisdom of father's sermon, When election results were out. Is not onion, the bloody onion, That caused the BJP's rout?
Contributed by G.C. Bhandari, Meerut
My father was a strict vegetarian
Santa and Banta went fishing. They caught a lot of fish and returned to the shore. Santa: T hope you remember the spot where we caught all these fish,' Banta: 'Yes, I marked X on the side of the boat to mark the spot.' Santa: 'You idiot! How do we know we will get the same boat tomorrow?'
WISH FULFILLED
God created a mule, and told him, 'You will be a mule, work constantly from dawn to dusk, and carry heavy loads on your back You will eat grass and lack intelligence You will live for 50 years.' The mule answered, 'To live like that for 50 years will be too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 20 years. And it was so. Then God created a dog, and told him, 'You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.' The dog responded, 'Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that will be too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.' And it was so. God then created a monkey, and told him, 'You will be a monkey. You will swing from tree to tree and act like an idiot. You will be funny, and you will live for 20 years. The monkey responded, 'Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world will be too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.' And it was so. Finally, God created man and told him, 'You will be the only rational being that walks on the earth You will use your intelligence to have mastery over other creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years.' The man responded, 'Lord, to be a man for only 20 years will be too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey refused.' And it was so.
Ever since the grant of that wish man's life goes somewhat like this: He lives the first 20 years as a man enjoying himself without a worry in the world, then he marries and have children, to support them he has to work like a mule and carry the heavy responsibility (load) of his family on his shoulders. This goes on till he is 40. The next 15 years he lives a dog's life guarding his house and eating leftovers after the children have emptied the pantry. Finally in his old age he lives the last 10 years as a monkey, entertaining his grandchildren by acting like an idiot. And so, it has been ever since.
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